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a very long thread about how my hearing is fucked and what the doctors think caused it
so to start off i still pay regular visits to the doctor because they haven’t placed what it is yet and i still have to go through surgery every once in a while to make sure i’m doing okay
so from a young age i have experienced regular and very bad ear infections, so at the age of 2 i went to have surgery in tokyo. they had placed tubes in my ears to allow for better drainage of fluids. then at the age of 6 they had fallen out due to me growing.
i was still having regular ear infections but they weren’t always as bad as they first had been. around this time my parents had noticed a decline in my ability to hear but they had just thought i was a selective listener. then at around age 7 gone to the hospital
late at night due to excessive ear pains. so bad that i was running around the house at 11pm covering my ears crying. they had done a lot of test and things lots that i can barely remember except for getting a popsicle. the first time i noticed something was wrong
was when my sister had asked me to go on a walk(i learned this later from my mom) and i was confused as to why she was just opening and closing her mouth like a fish. i later was told she was talking and not being a fish and was asking me a question.
so throughout the years i was still having ear problems with my ability to hear and the pain. at some point around age 10 it had gotten to the point where it’d be unusual for me to be in the doctors office atleast once a month for an ear infection.
and by the time i was 11 it was always a constant pain. so i went to the hospital again, and they suggested surgery that would either leave me permanently deaf or perfectly fine and as an 11 year old i was not willing to make that bet
so many regular doctors appointments later and my hearing had dwindled to the point where it’s a known fact for my family to give up trying to communicate with me. however recently my newest doctor had suggested my lack of hearing to do with scarring on the eardrums
it’s common for kids to have ear infections, probably not as common as i did, but still common. and seeing as i had fluid draining issues that was probably still relavent in the problem a bit. lots of scarring on the eardrum and middle ear can cause hearing loss
at least this is the medical shit i’ve picked up on, and it might not be very accurate, but i really do try and listen to my doctor when she speaks so i know what is happening as i‘be often been left confused by past doctors
now to what is really happening, as in what i feel and can hear and process
sometimes i can’t hear anything, i just see mouths moving. and other times something is so deafening loud that i can’t think, like a running faucet or fan blowing. the one noise causes me to not be able to focus very well as it is the only sound i can pick up on.
bust most of the time idk if what i’m saying is even what i’m saying in my head because i can’t hear it out loud. everything around me is a very soft murmur. this often leaves me feeling out of loop or insane because idk what’s happening around me
and concerts have left me very confused as well. i can hear the baseline and drums in songs at concerts very well but everything else becomes very hard to focus on. so i tend to not know who is singing or exactly what song is happening.
idk why i made this thread it was more for myself than anyone else but thank you for reading this far if you did 
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