cw// frank discussions of sex and sexuality
this is pretty personal but i’ve been struggling (questioning) with my sexuality and my identity for the last year or so and i’ve been so like ??about it
so i’m just gonna put out some of stream of conscious thoughts pls bear with me

like i think i’m a lesbian? maybe? like i think that a lot of men are attractive but not in a way where i want to date them or hook up with them ?
and adam driver puts a whole wrench in that bc i’ve literally had sex dreams about him and i’m like um but he’s the only man

and then does that mean that i’m bisexual with a preference towards women ? even tho it’s really only one man that really does it for me and it’s more of fantasy but irl i’d only ever want to date women

cw// nsfw
and then like what about the guys i’ve slept with? it was never good and i was never into it and i had a period of intense hyper sexuality but it was all deeply unsatisfying and made me sad more than anything .
like this might be tmi i’ve never orgasmed during sex

like there isn’t really a guidebook to this shit and so you are full of all these complicated and intense feelings and i sorta feel lost. and i see people on here and they are so frank and open about their sexuality and i’m like literally cannot relate

i’m 23 and i feel weird that i’m just now trying to come to terms with this but i had a lot of internalized homophobia to deal with and i grew up in a conservative community where i felt like i had no one to talk to

and so now i’m laying on the floor trying to figure this out and like i’m so baffled by these thoughts and feelings that i haven’t even had told my therapist bc like i don’t even know what’s going on

how do you know? and i feel like just maybe going on tinder and trying to get a date with a woman would be a good idea but i am so bad at responding to people on tinder

and i’ve tried doing research but i get a lot of conflicting information and i’m scared to say something wrong or incorrect and then get attacked but i don’t know and i’m trying to learn bc i think that i’d be a lot happier once i figure this out

anyway, if i delete this thread it’s because i’m being really vulnerable on this bird app by sharing this and i might get weirded out. this is a v sensitive topic for me and i’m just trying my best to navigate it