Soooo, this is awkward for me but I keep having this internal battle over it and you know, fuck it.
This is going to be a jumbled emotional mess but this is how I am working out my feelings on the matter.
(1/x)

So those of you that have followed me from about a year ago plus probably remember when I posted some
pictures like the ones I have in this thread. I had just gotten out of a relationship, moved across the country,
and decided to try and find myself a bit more. (2/x)

Down here in Austin I ended up finding some good friends and I showed them this feminine side of myself.
They encouraged me and through some friendly nudging convinced me to join them at some gay clubs downtown
and I loved it! (3/x)

I just felt accepted there. Nobody judging me, my anxieties would melt away. I felt like I had finally found myself, but I still felt like I couldn't be true to it. (4/x)

You see, 2 years above me when I was in middle school. One of the funny "guys" who hung around with the girls
in "his" class came out to them as trans. (5/x)

This was the first time anything like this had happened in our small, catholic, rural midwestern town. Her friends quickly turned against her and outed her out to the entire community, social media, everything. This person's life as they knew it was ruined. (6/x)

They were called SHIM and other derogatory terms by family and friends alike. Eventually she was forced to move out of state because the harassment was too much.
I was in 7th grade at the time and she was a freshman in high school. (7/x)

And even knowing now how hard this is to say,
I can only imagine how alone she felt and how brave she truly was. And to be honest I don't know to this day how deeply that affected me. (8/x)

Like right now, I don't know what to call myself. Am I afraid of what happened to her happening to me? I am PETRIFIED of telling my parents. (9/x)

Like, some days I think they would be alright with it but then there are days like a few weeks ago when they came down to visit and I was
talking with my Ma about cutting my hair, she went to school for a short bit to be a hair stylist. (10/x)

I mentioned her trimming my bangs and letting my sides grow out. I know she meant well but she showed pictures of like some fades and she said she thinks they would fit my hair well but I told her I want to grow my hair out. (11/x)

I just wanted her to trim my bangs and the ends for me. She just says, "Do you want to look like a girl? because if I cut your bangs and leave your sides long you will look like a girl. This felt like a bullet to the heart. (12/x)

I told her, I just have been liking it long and wanted to try it out. She then started to point out similarities between my hair and hers, which was a genuinely beautiful moment. (13/x)

She laid out why she was worried about the way I was growing my hair out because it reminded her about some of her own insecurities about the way hers grows in.
She just wanted to help me keep it contained but we couldn't find a middle-ground. (14/x)

I had been wanting to come out at least to my mom for a while. I wanted to joke with her about how I look just like pictures of her when she was my age, when I do my makeup and hair. But this interaction just scared me again and I shut it back in. (15/x)

So with that whole family/friends thing done. I wanted to touch on a few other things that have made me hesitant about coming out and why I deleted the posts off of my social media. (16/x)

Well to begin with that beast, it goes back to MagicFest Austin. I decided to do some last-minute Dredge practice, but during that stream another magic streamer came into my chat with this BS. (17/x)

I WILL NOT name you, but you know who you are, and I expect you to do better for the magic community with your platform. Just know that these are my main issues with your comments and I do not speak for everyone. (18/x)

1. Yes, I'm hot in makeup but I am hot out of makeup too thank you very fucking much.
2. These "e thots" comments are demeaning to women as a whole and coming into a male presenting person's stream not knowing the situation is ignant as hell. (19/x)

3. Men, Women, Wonderful people no matter what shape size they are is none of your business. By coming into my chat saying "stream as a girl get more views" completely invalidates me as a person. It's WHY I don't stream femme. (20/x)

I don't want people to feel like I am just trying to capitalize on anything for clout.

If you have made it through this thread I commend you. So let me summarize: (21/23)

Hi, I'm Logan! I am a 24 year old something. (they/them) I love genuine people. I mainly present masculine for now but I enjoy makeup and feminine styles that I would like to incorporate more into my looks. I like games of all kinds and I sometimes stream them on Twitch!

All of these things make me who I am and what I choose to present at any given time typically isn't the full picture. Glad to have ya and if that bothers you fuck off! (23/23)