Read on Twitter
Now that I’m calm(ish) let me tell you how I almost ended up on the news. I’m coming back from SA listening to bops. Traffic coming into Austin is thick stop and go. I’m driving in the fast lane (misnomer AF) when traffic comes to a standstill. I stopped with PLENTY of distance
but the asshole behind me must have been enjoying the sun, his sunroof, and the loud ass Pasito Duranguense he had playing because his ass rear ended me. Do you think this mother trucker pulled over? Nope. He acted like he was but then took off. I guess he thought I wasn’t going
to follow him. You thought wrong, Asshat. I start following him with my flashers on and my windows down yelling at him to pull over. I know he can hear me because he had turned the music down and his windows were open. I followed him for 4 exits when I screamed at him that I was
calling the cops. He pulls over and comes to the passenger side with his mask just chilling on his chest. I yell at him to PUT HIS FUCKING MASK ON. Then I yell at him for not pull over when he hit my car. He keeps telling me to relax and to calm down and I told his bitchass he
has ONE more time to tell me to calm down before I hop out and beat his monkey ass. I take a picture of his license plate and of him (in case he tries to run again, then I go look at my car. This mother trucker had the NERVE to say he kept driving because it was just a scratch
and it’s not that big of a deal. He backed up because I think the look on my face told him I was going to fuck
himup. He asks me how much money to not call the police. I start dialing right then and there. The most apathetic EMS person in the world takes down our location
himup. He asks me how much money to not call the police. I start dialing right then and there. The most apathetic EMS person in the world takes down our location
I took pictures and then got back in the car because I was afraid I might actually sock him in the face. He makes a phone call and I hear him saying I’m overreacting and it’s “just a scratch” and he takes a picture of the front of my car and the back. The police get there and he
tells his story to the police officer in Spanish saying I slammed on my brakes and made him run into me (I didn’t), that he tried to give me his info (he didn’t) and that I’m taking advantage of him because he doesn’t speak English (keep in mind he was speaking to me in English
up until the cops showed up). I BLEW THE FUCK UP in Spanish at his ass and the police officer was looking at me like “Daaamn!” Then he tells me to calm down and I swear I literally saw red. The Lord sent the cop’s partner up at that moment to save his ass because cop AND driver
were about to catch these hands. I’m cursing in Greek and the partner understood me, heard my NY accent (that only comes out when I’m pissed) and takes me away because he knows I’m about to beat down errrybody. I tell him what happened and that I wasn’t even mad until he tried to
run and almost got us hit by a trucker. Turns out ol boy is from Sinaloa, has no license or insurance, and if you’re from Texas, you knew this was the case from the jump because it happens all the time here. I get Vietnam flashback remember long my car getting hit last year @ the
Rice game and I hadn’t even made my 1st payment yet. Takeaways: 1) I watch COPS. I will run your ass down until you stop 2) Don’t assume I don’t speak Spanish just cuz I’m Black. My friends call me “Blatina” and “Celia Cruz” for a reason 3) I’m convinced this car is cursed AF
4) It took me a second to realize it but BOTH those police officers were foooooine AF and all I heard once I realized that was Lil Wayne rapping in my head “And all she want me to do is fuck the police.” 
5) I am okay physically. A little crazy...but you already knew that....
5) I am okay physically. A little crazy...but you already knew that....
