One of the struggles I am having is my main motivational factor is improving the outer through inner intrapersonal change. For me to transform I ‘must’ block out the outer and it’s infinite attempts at sucking my attention ( #vampire). Problem is when I isolate,

it IS so enjoyable/transformative, it’s easy to forget why I’m doing all this. Is my why the ultimate ‘problem’. I don’t believe so. I believe the why is the fuel, but burning that fuel stops when I am at peace. This is where finding the balance is. Having 1 foot in 1 foot out.

I am struggling with the tempo of this whole thing. Having inner peace fuel the action is more of a challenge than I anticipated. Perhaps I just have tension with what Is and who I Am (now in this moment). Perhaps I just want faster pace change.

Does a tree constantly curse ‘God’ for not growing fast enough? Probs not. Each moment of ‘inaction’ triggers the snakes who tell me I and It will ALWAYS be as it is now. I’m a loser and always will be. Does a tree do this? Probs not.

Perhaps our ‘skill’ of recognizing ‘non-contribution’ in others & self is so highly keened from our cultural systems, that while important technically, we could release most thought/fear/worry/anger of it and net +. Again showing “The snakes are only real if you listen to them”.