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THREAD - The Spice Cabinet
My mother has 2 shelves in her pantry for spices. My sister and I have been trying to keep it organized now that we're making more meals at their house.
The following is my experience this morning trying to put together a dry rub for tonight's dinner.
My mother has 2 shelves in her pantry for spices. My sister and I have been trying to keep it organized now that we're making more meals at their house.
The following is my experience this morning trying to put together a dry rub for tonight's dinner.
Me: Do you have mustard powder, mom?
Mom: Yes. The spices are in alphabetical order, left to right, top to bottom.
[I look at the top shelf, far left. First container is ground allspice.]
Me: Ok, alphabetical by the condition of the spice, such as "ground" or the spice's name?
Mom: Yes. The spices are in alphabetical order, left to right, top to bottom.
[I look at the top shelf, far left. First container is ground allspice.]
Me: Ok, alphabetical by the condition of the spice, such as "ground" or the spice's name?
Mom: The name of the spice.
[Ok, allspice is first. We're off to a good start. I scan right and within 3 containers I'm looking at tarragon. A quick review of the shelves tells me they're all out of whack. I'm going to have to correct this now to avoid further chaos.]
[Ok, allspice is first. We're off to a good start. I scan right and within 3 containers I'm looking at tarragon. A quick review of the shelves tells me they're all out of whack. I'm going to have to correct this now to avoid further chaos.]
[Working from the top left I find the afore mentioned allspice then beau monde, caraway seed, ground cardamom, thyme, celery salt...wait!]
Me: Technical question. Does the type of spice come into play at all? The caraway, cardamom and thyme are organic. Does that matter?
Me: Technical question. Does the type of spice come into play at all? The caraway, cardamom and thyme are organic. Does that matter?
Mom: Nope. Just alphabetical order.
Sister: What are you doing?
Mom: He's organizing the spices.
Sis: They're in alphabetical order.
Me: Then why is the thyme between the cardamom and celery salt?
Sis: How'd it get there?
Me: IDK, the C's picked thyme up in free agency?
Sister: What are you doing?
Mom: He's organizing the spices.
Sis: They're in alphabetical order.
Me: Then why is the thyme between the cardamom and celery salt?
Sis: How'd it get there?
Me: IDK, the C's picked thyme up in free agency?
Dad [from the living room]: Thyme is a hostage! The C's got parsley, sage and rosemary locked in a shed out back!
[Most of our family conversations go like this. I return to the project at hand. Thyme is set aside for later. Celery salt, stick cinnamon, ground cinnamon...wait!]
[Most of our family conversations go like this. I return to the project at hand. Thyme is set aside for later. Celery salt, stick cinnamon, ground cinnamon...wait!]
Me: Why are cinnamon sticks ahead of ground cinnamon? G comes before S.
Sis: Does it matter?
Me: ALPHABETICAL ORDER IS KING!
[Ground cinnamon, stick cinnamon, ground cloves, ground coriander, chili powder...wait! Move the chili powder to the left of the cinnamon.]
Sis: Does it matter?
Me: ALPHABETICAL ORDER IS KING!
[Ground cinnamon, stick cinnamon, ground cloves, ground coriander, chili powder...wait! Move the chili powder to the left of the cinnamon.]
[Now we're getting places. Ground cumin, 2 jars of curry powder (placed open in front of unopened to save space), chipotle chili pepper...wait! Now I'm getting far enough down the line that each time I fine an out of place spice I've got to move a bunch to make it fit.]
Me: Son of a bitch.
Sis: What?
Me: Chipotle chili pepper was hiding down range and now I've got to squeeze it in.
Sis: Put it in front of the chili pepper. They're the same thing.
Me: One is just chili pepper. The other is chipotle.
Sis: Same thing.
Sis: What?
Me: Chipotle chili pepper was hiding down range and now I've got to squeeze it in.
Sis: Put it in front of the chili pepper. They're the same thing.
Me: One is just chili pepper. The other is chipotle.
Sis: Same thing.
Me [Picking up the chili powder and reading the ingredients]: Bull shit. Chili powder is ground chili peppers. [Picking up the chipotle chili powder.] And chipotle chili pepper is...ground chili peppers. Fine. [I put the chipotle chili powder in front of the chili powder.]
[Stupid spice names.]
[Curry, dill weed, garlic powder, ginger, Italian seasoning, MUSTARD! Ok, I've found what I was looking for when I started the quest but I can't stop now. I'm half way there. This has also brought me to the end of the top shelf.]
[Lower shelf, left to right. Nutmeg, onion powder, oregano leaves, Old Bay...wait!]
Me: Old Bay is a bunch of spices. It's not a spice. I don't think it should go with the O's. There should be a catch-all area for all the weird stuff.
Sis: Old...O...
Me: It's not A spice.
Me: Old Bay is a bunch of spices. It's not a spice. I don't think it should go with the O's. There should be a catch-all area for all the weird stuff.
Sis: Old...O...
Me: It's not A spice.
Sis: Everything at the far right of the bottom shelf is random stuff anyway.
Me: SEE! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!
[Tuck the Old Spice down at the far right and can't help but notice the Italian season near the right end of the top shelf. Well...Italian is kind of a nebulous term...]
Me: SEE! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!
[Tuck the Old Spice down at the far right and can't help but notice the Italian season near the right end of the top shelf. Well...Italian is kind of a nebulous term...]
[NO! Can't get bogged down. Italian seasoning belongs in the I's and Old Bay belongs in the freak section. Paprika, poultry seasoning, pumpkin pie spice, crushed red pepper flakes, saffron, tarragon, thyme (released by the C's), turmeric, vanilla beans, white pepper...wait!]
Me: What is Bell's Seasoning?
Mom: You only use it on turkey. You can only get it in the stores at Thanksgiving.
Sis: It's poultry seasoning. You can use it on any poultry. Put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Mom: You only use it on turkey. You can only get it in the stores at Thanksgiving.
Sis: It's poultry seasoning. You can use it on any poultry. Put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Mom: My mother only put it on turkey.
Me: And look what happened to her! [Grandma's been dead for 15 years.]
Sis: Just put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Me: But it doesn't say "poultry seasoning". It's the Old Bay Paradox!
Sis: What's wrong with you?
Me: And look what happened to her! [Grandma's been dead for 15 years.]
Sis: Just put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Me: But it doesn't say "poultry seasoning". It's the Old Bay Paradox!
Sis: What's wrong with you?
Me: I don't make the rules.
Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell's in her meatloaf!
Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?
Me: That's like crossing proton pack streams!
Sis: It's poultry seasoning. You know what to do.
[I put it next to the Old Bay.]
Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell's in her meatloaf!
Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?
Me: That's like crossing proton pack streams!
Sis: It's poultry seasoning. You know what to do.
[I put it next to the Old Bay.]
![Me: I don't make the rules.Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell's in her meatloaf!Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?Me: That's like crossing proton pack streams!Sis: It's poultry seasoning. You know what to do.[I put it next to the Old Bay.]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EebtQTiUcAA9Zwq.jpg "Me: I don't make the rules.Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell's in her meatloaf!Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?Me: That's like crossing proton pack streams!Sis: It's poultry seasoning. You know what to do.[I put it next to the Old Bay.]")
