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THREAD - The Spice Cabinet
My mother has 2 shelves in her pantry for spices. My sister and I have been trying to keep it organized now that we& #39;re making more meals at their house.
The following is my experience this morning trying to put together a dry rub for tonight& #39;s dinner.
My mother has 2 shelves in her pantry for spices. My sister and I have been trying to keep it organized now that we& #39;re making more meals at their house.
The following is my experience this morning trying to put together a dry rub for tonight& #39;s dinner.
Me: Do you have mustard powder, mom?
Mom: Yes. The spices are in alphabetical order, left to right, top to bottom.
[I look at the top shelf, far left. First container is ground allspice.]
Me: Ok, alphabetical by the condition of the spice, such as "ground" or the spice& #39;s name?
Mom: Yes. The spices are in alphabetical order, left to right, top to bottom.
[I look at the top shelf, far left. First container is ground allspice.]
Me: Ok, alphabetical by the condition of the spice, such as "ground" or the spice& #39;s name?
Mom: The name of the spice.
[Ok, allspice is first. We& #39;re off to a good start. I scan right and within 3 containers I& #39;m looking at tarragon. A quick review of the shelves tells me they& #39;re all out of whack. I& #39;m going to have to correct this now to avoid further chaos.]
[Ok, allspice is first. We& #39;re off to a good start. I scan right and within 3 containers I& #39;m looking at tarragon. A quick review of the shelves tells me they& #39;re all out of whack. I& #39;m going to have to correct this now to avoid further chaos.]
[Working from the top left I find the afore mentioned allspice then beau monde, caraway seed, ground cardamom, thyme, celery salt...wait!]
Me: Technical question. Does the type of spice come into play at all? The caraway, cardamom and thyme are organic. Does that matter?
Me: Technical question. Does the type of spice come into play at all? The caraway, cardamom and thyme are organic. Does that matter?
Mom: Nope. Just alphabetical order.
Sister: What are you doing?
Mom: He& #39;s organizing the spices.
Sis: They& #39;re in alphabetical order.
Me: Then why is the thyme between the cardamom and celery salt?
Sis: How& #39;d it get there?
Me: IDK, the C& #39;s picked thyme up in free agency?
Sister: What are you doing?
Mom: He& #39;s organizing the spices.
Sis: They& #39;re in alphabetical order.
Me: Then why is the thyme between the cardamom and celery salt?
Sis: How& #39;d it get there?
Me: IDK, the C& #39;s picked thyme up in free agency?
Dad [from the living room]: Thyme is a hostage! The C& #39;s got parsley, sage and rosemary locked in a shed out back!
[Most of our family conversations go like this. I return to the project at hand. Thyme is set aside for later. Celery salt, stick cinnamon, ground cinnamon...wait!]
[Most of our family conversations go like this. I return to the project at hand. Thyme is set aside for later. Celery salt, stick cinnamon, ground cinnamon...wait!]
Me: Why are cinnamon sticks ahead of ground cinnamon? G comes before S.
Sis: Does it matter?
Me: ALPHABETICAL ORDER IS KING!
[Ground cinnamon, stick cinnamon, ground cloves, ground coriander, chili powder...wait! Move the chili powder to the left of the cinnamon.]
Sis: Does it matter?
Me: ALPHABETICAL ORDER IS KING!
[Ground cinnamon, stick cinnamon, ground cloves, ground coriander, chili powder...wait! Move the chili powder to the left of the cinnamon.]
[Now we& #39;re getting places. Ground cumin, 2 jars of curry powder (placed open in front of unopened to save space), chipotle chili pepper...wait! Now I& #39;m getting far enough down the line that each time I fine an out of place spice I& #39;ve got to move a bunch to make it fit.]
Me: Son of a bitch.
Sis: What?
Me: Chipotle chili pepper was hiding down range and now I& #39;ve got to squeeze it in.
Sis: Put it in front of the chili pepper. They& #39;re the same thing.
Me: One is just chili pepper. The other is chipotle.
Sis: Same thing.
Sis: What?
Me: Chipotle chili pepper was hiding down range and now I& #39;ve got to squeeze it in.
Sis: Put it in front of the chili pepper. They& #39;re the same thing.
Me: One is just chili pepper. The other is chipotle.
Sis: Same thing.
Me [Picking up the chili powder and reading the ingredients]: Bull shit. Chili powder is ground chili peppers. [Picking up the chipotle chili powder.] And chipotle chili pepper is...ground chili peppers. Fine. [I put the chipotle chili powder in front of the chili powder.]
[Stupid spice names.]
[Curry, dill weed, garlic powder, ginger, Italian seasoning, MUSTARD! Ok, I& #39;ve found what I was looking for when I started the quest but I can& #39;t stop now. I& #39;m half way there. This has also brought me to the end of the top shelf.]
[Lower shelf, left to right. Nutmeg, onion powder, oregano leaves, Old Bay...wait!]
Me: Old Bay is a bunch of spices. It& #39;s not a spice. I don& #39;t think it should go with the O& #39;s. There should be a catch-all area for all the weird stuff.
Sis: Old...O...
Me: It& #39;s not A spice.
Me: Old Bay is a bunch of spices. It& #39;s not a spice. I don& #39;t think it should go with the O& #39;s. There should be a catch-all area for all the weird stuff.
Sis: Old...O...
Me: It& #39;s not A spice.
Sis: Everything at the far right of the bottom shelf is random stuff anyway.
Me: SEE! I KNOW WHAT I& #39;M DOING!
[Tuck the Old Spice down at the far right and can& #39;t help but notice the Italian season near the right end of the top shelf. Well...Italian is kind of a nebulous term...]
Me: SEE! I KNOW WHAT I& #39;M DOING!
[Tuck the Old Spice down at the far right and can& #39;t help but notice the Italian season near the right end of the top shelf. Well...Italian is kind of a nebulous term...]
[NO! Can& #39;t get bogged down. Italian seasoning belongs in the I& #39;s and Old Bay belongs in the freak section. Paprika, poultry seasoning, pumpkin pie spice, crushed red pepper flakes, saffron, tarragon, thyme (released by the C& #39;s), turmeric, vanilla beans, white pepper...wait!]
Me: What is Bell& #39;s Seasoning?
Mom: You only use it on turkey. You can only get it in the stores at Thanksgiving.
Sis: It& #39;s poultry seasoning. You can use it on any poultry. Put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Mom: You only use it on turkey. You can only get it in the stores at Thanksgiving.
Sis: It& #39;s poultry seasoning. You can use it on any poultry. Put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Mom: My mother only put it on turkey.
Me: And look what happened to her! [Grandma& #39;s been dead for 15 years.]
Sis: Just put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Me: But it doesn& #39;t say "poultry seasoning". It& #39;s the Old Bay Paradox!
Sis: What& #39;s wrong with you?
Me: And look what happened to her! [Grandma& #39;s been dead for 15 years.]
Sis: Just put it with the other poultry seasoning.
Me: But it doesn& #39;t say "poultry seasoning". It& #39;s the Old Bay Paradox!
Sis: What& #39;s wrong with you?
Me: I don& #39;t make the rules.
Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell& #39;s in her meatloaf!
Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?
Me: That& #39;s like crossing proton pack streams!
Sis: It& #39;s poultry seasoning. You know what to do.
[I put it next to the Old Bay.]
Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell& #39;s in her meatloaf!
Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?
Me: That& #39;s like crossing proton pack streams!
Sis: It& #39;s poultry seasoning. You know what to do.
[I put it next to the Old Bay.]
![Me: I don& #39;t make the rules.Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell& #39;s in her meatloaf!Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?Me: That& #39;s like crossing proton pack streams!Sis: It& #39;s poultry seasoning. You know what to do.[I put it next to the Old Bay.]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EebtQTiUcAA9Zwq.jpg "Me: I don& #39;t make the rules.Dad [from the living room]: My mother used to put Bell& #39;s in her meatloaf!Sis: Poultry seasoning in meatloaf?Me: That& #39;s like crossing proton pack streams!Sis: It& #39;s poultry seasoning. You know what to do.[I put it next to the Old Bay.]")
