A quick thread on making asks. 1/x

Writing as someone who gets asked to do stuff--sometimes speak/teach/write, sometimes make connections, sometimes "pick my brains," etc--this is highly subjective, but a few thoughts on what's appreciated from the person-being-asked POV:

Be thoughtful about whether an ask needs to be a phone call or whether it can be an email. Sometimes people ask if I have time to talk, when really they just want to have a more personal way of asking for the thing.

From my POV, that means more time invested before even the ask is getting made that I could be spent doing other things, and especially now (3 kids! COVID! Work! Book!) time is super tight and it's often just not necessary. Can feel like my time isn't valued tbh.

For ppl who get asked: when people ask if I have "time to talk" I've started to ask what's up via email/dm first and almost always it's something that I can deal with via email/dm--either offering some thoughts on the fly or clarifying that I'm not able to help on this thing.

If we're friends, sure, I'd love the sentence letting me know how you are and asking how I'm doing during this difficult year, but if you just want to cut to the chase that's OK. However, if we're on the phone and you launch into a whole preamble about how fantastic you are+

Without pausing to ask how the last 10 years of my life have been since we last studied in close quarters--you know, that doesn't feel like a personal connection, that's just weird. There are human beings on the phone.

If you're asking about a blurb/teaching opportunity/writing opportunity kind of thing, I'd really, really, be super grateful if you could let me know as much info as you have upfront (BLUF, as they say.) This includes:

-Date of event/deadline for blurb or writing (or how flexible it is, if it is)
-Honorarium/payment. Don't ask me what I'd charge, figure out what your budget is, we can negotiate from there. Including, "this is unpaid, I'm afraid, but..." Just give us all the info right upfront.

(In the olden days, a note about the fact that you'd cover travel for a speaking event, and really, if someone is getting on a plane to your event presumably you either have honorarium or a really good other compelling reason for them to make the trip. )

(Also a reminder that Love of Torah (tm) doesn't pay for groceries and that teachers should be paid, as all workers should, and this goes triple quadruple if you're talking about historically marginalized folks.)

And some basic background information about your project. Don't make me google to find out what kind of podcast it is or who else you've had on! If it's all people I strongly disagree with, that's useful information!

Oh yes please do your homework. You can even google "name of person I plan to contact" and various keywords to see if they've ever answered your question before, it's possible that you can just quote the article or whatever. https://mobile.twitter.com/ashleyn1cole/status/1289952877427875841