Good morning, friends. It's the end of #CoNZealand (for me anyway) & I'm drinking coffee on a rainy morning & reckoning with the experience of it all, & want to share some threads. I hope you'll read them all through.

Last night was the best night of the con for me--yes, including the night I won a Hugo--because of the fantastic people I got to meet & chat with in a beautiful kaffeklatsch that spilled into the Virtual Bar. & I learned some really devastating things.

Did you know, #CoNZealand members, that we could have voted in New Zealand's Sir Julius Vogel awards? That we could've experienced a lot more of NZ's talent going into NZ's first Worldcon? Because I didn't. https://twitter.com/CaseyLucasQuaid/status/1289892761261314049?s=20

What are the SJV awards? They're NZ's own SFF awards, & they centred & honoured by ... being tacked on to the end of the Retro Hugos. https://twitter.com/CaseyLucasQuaid/status/1289649003596886016?s=20

Here's a thread by Sascha Stronach--who won Best Novel & Best New Talent at the SJVs--with more context. https://twitter.com/understatesmen/status/1289537928989818880

Here's an AMAZING thread of links to works by NZ authors--the people I was so grateful to actually get to meet & chat with yesterday. https://twitter.com/meringutang/status/1289699004637315073

Friends, I'm a raw & vulnerable single nerve right now, I'm crying at key changes, & I don't even have the energy to be angry. I'm heartbroken. What is the point of a Worldcon if not to introduce fans & artists from around the world *to each other*? That's what I want from it.

The idea that Max & me could be celebrated with a Hugo award while *NOT KNOWING* how much of NZ talent was being elided & hidden FROM US--when we, in our speech, talked about what's elided & hidden from history--is fucking devastating.

I'm sorry I don't have more eloquence or fire to spare right now. It's raining, I'm mourning the travel & fellowship & friendships that should've been. But I'm so grateful to the brilliant folk I met & talked with last night for that glimpse of what this event could've been.