i'm catching up on some cocovid stuff and the costumers with disabilities panel is really resonating with me. i'm trying to be more open about my struggles with my physical and mental issues lately and i hope it helps some of you out there also struggling with similar things

i'm sometimes vague about what exactly is wrong with me, but for the record, i am bipolar (BP2) and doctor have suggested i have ehler-danlos syndrome, though due to the difficulty in diagnosis and expensive testing w/o insurance, i have not been able to fully confirm that one

it's also been suggested by a lot of my friends with ADHD that i probably have that as well, though there is a big overlap in symptoms with BP and it is notoriously hard to get diagnosed when you have BP as a result, so i mainly just try to work around that as best i can

my mental issues really affect both the way in which i approach and am able to complete work as well as my sympathy for suboptimal outcomes and my ability to interact with others and be/post online. i feel a lot of pressure to be consistent & positive and that's impossible w/ BP2

it eventually comes to a point that i end up disappearing completely for a while bc i can't handle pretending i'm okay when i'm not but also don't want to be overwhelming and negative during the Down times. productivity tanks, i can't socialize easily or feel good about what i do

thanks to the EDS, sometimes i still can't do things even when i am mentally fit to. my hands are one of the most affected areas when it comes to hypermobility and dislocation, so parts that require pinching and holding, applying pressure over time and repetitive motions suck

if i'm not careful, i can overtax my joints and end up without much ability to use them at all for a few days. sometimes i wake up and it's like that. sometimes it's bad circulation causing trouble, maybe a migraine, there are loads of symptoms that stop me dead in my tracks

i hesitate to call myself a disabled cosplayer despite all of this for a couple reasons. some is gaslighting, both internal and external. some is feeling defeated by admitting i have more difficulties than others and therefore cannot judge myself against them. some is no EDS dx.

so if i'm vague or flippant about what's going on or the symptoms i'm experiencing, i hope this thread sheds a little light on what's being left unsaid and why. as always, if you have questions, i'm happy to answer them. just felt it a good time to start the conversation.