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*The Nigerian White Elephant All-Stars*
Lagos - Perennially uncompleted, environmentally unsustainable, hilariously expensive, private-sector-led-but-distinctly-Ajaokuta-esque, Tesco-value Dubai off the coast of Victoria Island.
Looks sexy in its glossy Autocad renders though.
Lagos - Perennially uncompleted, environmentally unsustainable, hilariously expensive, private-sector-led-but-distinctly-Ajaokuta-esque, Tesco-value Dubai off the coast of Victoria Island.
Looks sexy in its glossy Autocad renders though.
Abeokuta - Moshood Abiola Hintanashunah Hiyar-poht
Because why not?
Because why not?
Ado-Ekiti - Hanoda hiyarpoht
Again, why not?
Again, why not?
Osogbo - Yet another hiyarpoht.
Even the render doesn't look optimistic about itself.
Even the render doesn't look optimistic about itself.
Asaba - The Dome, Asaba
Because no one can say no to a good convention centre.
Because no one can say no to a good convention centre.
Port Harcourt - Amaechi Monorail
So well designed, conceived and executed that he was made federal transport minister by his famously intelligent boss.
So well designed, conceived and executed that he was made federal transport minister by his famously intelligent boss.
Calabar - Calabar Monorail
The double distinction of being the shortest rail line in Nigeria and also the most unviable as it connects one white elephant calf to an adult white bull elephant.
Visionary,
The double distinction of being the shortest rail line in Nigeria and also the most unviable as it connects one white elephant calf to an adult white bull elephant.
Visionary,
Calabar x2 - Summit Hills Convention Centre
The baby white elephant referenced earlier. Only hosts conventions of oxygen and nitrogen molecules in brownian motion.
The baby white elephant referenced earlier. Only hosts conventions of oxygen and nitrogen molecules in brownian motion.
Calabar x3 - Tinapa Resort.
The O.G. White Bull Elephant. Tourist resort built to someday attract intrepid explorers examining colourful ruins.
The O.G. White Bull Elephant. Tourist resort built to someday attract intrepid explorers examining colourful ruins.
Ikot Ekpene - Uncommon Sheraton 4 Points funded by Akwa Ibom SG and sited in my mother's village.
Amazingly, it's now shuttered.
Amazingly, it's now shuttered.
Uyo - (Empty and disused) Nest of Yampions (I'm allowed to mock the accent, my mum is from there so I have a pass).
Located away from town and AKSG has to offer free admission when the Super Eagles are in town. Another Akpabio masterpiece of (white) elephantine proportions.
Located away from town and AKSG has to offer free admission when the Super Eagles are in town. Another Akpabio masterpiece of (white) elephantine proportions.
Owerri - City of Statues
What happens when you pay N500 million for a pregnant white elephant and she gives birth to quadruplets. A Rochas special.
What happens when you pay N500 million for a pregnant white elephant and she gives birth to quadruplets. A Rochas special.
Abakaliki - Ebonyi Airport
A brilliant multibillion naira idea from 'Nigeria's best Governor' where the residents of Nigeria's 4th poorest state with 73.6% living in poverty export their produce by air.
A brilliant multibillion naira idea from 'Nigeria's best Governor' where the residents of Nigeria's 4th poorest state with 73.6% living in poverty export their produce by air.
Abakaliki - Ebonyi Ecumenical Centre
A N2.7bn 'ultramodern' investment intended to assist the Holy Spirit to guide Nigeria's Best Govah-nor.
May Dave succeed. Amen.
A N2.7bn 'ultramodern' investment intended to assist the Holy Spirit to guide Nigeria's Best Govah-nor.
May Dave succeed. Amen.
Umuahia - Umuahia International Airport.
A proposed airport that will be close enough to be within the flight approach path of Sam Mbakwe Airport, plus within 150KM of both Akanu Ibiam and the Abakaliki brainwave.
Southeastern aerotropolis....
A proposed airport that will be close enough to be within the flight approach path of Sam Mbakwe Airport, plus within 150KM of both Akanu Ibiam and the Abakaliki brainwave.
Southeastern aerotropolis....
Makurdi - Makurdi Cargo Airport
Because Benue needs *another* airport in addition to Tactical Air Command base Makurdi, Nigeria's largest airforce base.
To like, export food, and stuff.
Because Benue needs *another* airport in addition to Tactical Air Command base Makurdi, Nigeria's largest airforce base.
To like, export food, and stuff.
Kano - Kano Light Rail
A commuter railway for Kano's famously corporate and cosmopolitan suburb-to-skyscraper daily commuter population. $1.8bn Chinese loan with assured and guaranteed payback because FAAC allocation is sweet ooo
A commuter railway for Kano's famously corporate and cosmopolitan suburb-to-skyscraper daily commuter population. $1.8bn Chinese loan with assured and guaranteed payback because FAAC allocation is sweet ooo
Gombe - Gombe International Conference Centre
You laugh now, but wait until this edifice has been planted then it germinates into clean water, access to education, economic growth and healthcare. Who'll be laughing then?
You laugh now, but wait until this edifice has been planted then it germinates into clean water, access to education, economic growth and healthcare. Who'll be laughing then?
Dutse - Dutse International Airport, Jigawaa State.
Mirror, mirror on the wall? Which is the whitest elephant of them all? The one I had to post 4 times to believe it's real.
Recently recorded 0 (ZERO) traffic in a calendar month.
The undisputed champion of this list.
Mirror, mirror on the wall? Which is the whitest elephant of them all? The one I had to post 4 times to believe it's real.
Recently recorded 0 (ZERO) traffic in a calendar month.
The undisputed champion of this list.
Lafia - Lafia Airport
Nasarawa is next to Abuja and enjoys excellent transport links to the capital, but who ever heard of such a thing as a Nigerian state without an airport...
Nasarawa is next to Abuja and enjoys excellent transport links to the capital, but who ever heard of such a thing as a Nigerian state without an airport...
Abuja - M.K.O. Abiola National Stadium
60,000-seater liability located in Abuja the same way Sagamu is located in Lagos. Even games against Brazil and Argentina couldn't fill it up.
Provides pasture for itinerant cow herders though, which is an important national service.
60,000-seater liability located in Abuja the same way Sagamu is located in Lagos. Even games against Brazil and Argentina couldn't fill it up.
Provides pasture for itinerant cow herders though, which is an important national service.
Abuja - Abuja Metro Rail
$800 million+ loan-funded investment in a commuter rail service for people who do not need, want or ask for it. Empty seats at all hours. Most Abuja residents don't even know it exists.
FAAC allocation is sweet ooo
$800 million+ loan-funded investment in a commuter rail service for people who do not need, want or ask for it. Empty seats at all hours. Most Abuja residents don't even know it exists.
FAAC allocation is sweet ooo
Idu, Abuja - Rigasa, Kaduna: Abuja - Kaduna Standard Gauge Rail Line
Triumph of ethnic appeasement politics over common sense. Unviable for cargo. Too expensive for passengers. Subsidy no longer feasible. Passengers now use the road instead.
FAAC allocation don finish ooooo
Triumph of ethnic appeasement politics over common sense. Unviable for cargo. Too expensive for passengers. Subsidy no longer feasible. Passengers now use the road instead.
FAAC allocation don finish ooooo
Three late additions.
1. Kaduna Dry Port.
That's Kaduna up there. That's the coast down there.
The Accidental Public Servant's brainwave = Locate an inland port in Kaduna, approximately 836.8KM away from the nearest coastline.
1. Kaduna Dry Port.
That's Kaduna up there. That's the coast down there.
The Accidental Public Servant's brainwave = Locate an inland port in Kaduna, approximately 836.8KM away from the nearest coastline.
2. Kaduna Refinery.
Step 1: Locate refinery far inland, 850KM away from nearest oil producing area and lay 2,000KM of pipeline that will cause environmental devastation.
Step 2: Configure refinery not to specialise in Nigeria's Bonny Light crude.
Step 3: Profit!
Step 1: Locate refinery far inland, 850KM away from nearest oil producing area and lay 2,000KM of pipeline that will cause environmental devastation.
Step 2: Configure refinery not to specialise in Nigeria's Bonny Light crude.
Step 3: Profit!
Finally 3. Ajaokuta Steel Company.
Taken away from Onitsha against consultants' recommendations and plopped into a forest somewhere in Kogi.
Now woefully outdated and only works with imported Russian coal. Has never produced gram of steel in its 40-year existence.
Iconic.
Taken away from Onitsha against consultants' recommendations and plopped into a forest somewhere in Kogi.
Now woefully outdated and only works with imported Russian coal. Has never produced gram of steel in its 40-year existence.
Iconic.
(Dis)honourable mention:
Bayelsa Airport and the uncompleted 18-storey 5-star Tower Hotel, both in the Niger Delta's least tarmacked state.
Also shout out to the N18bn Federal University of Transportation sited in the famous transport hub that is Daura (population 300,000).
Bayelsa Airport and the uncompleted 18-storey 5-star Tower Hotel, both in the Niger Delta's least tarmacked state.
Also shout out to the N18bn Federal University of Transportation sited in the famous transport hub that is Daura (population 300,000).
Also quick mention: Damaturu Cargo Airport.
Amidst its security challenges, Yobe state somehow found N11.3bn to spend on a "cargo airport."
Amidst its security challenges, Yobe state somehow found N11.3bn to spend on a "cargo airport."
