Quarantine is getting surreal with more frequent punctuations of grief and loneliness. I live alone in a bad area where it's uncomfortable to go outside. I'm focusing on onlyfans which is a roller coaster of dopamine and fear. I am trying to plan for my future but I don't know if

this income is going to last. I'm both extremely grateful and trying to remember not to be attached, that this might all vanish. I'm not exercising, my eating is getting sporadic. I'm losing weight. I'm having increasing brain fog and fatigue and inability finishing tasks.

I feel like a weird cog in a dream machine, like I've been here forever. Last night I saw a man get nearly arrested outside my window for racing an empty moving van. The closest homeless encampment caught on fire. The tenan is gone now but his stuff is still there in muddy ashes.

I'm really lucky in so many ways, but I'm losing my mind. I keep getting ants. 50% of my diet is potato chips. I want to start writing my book but I am waiting for the day my brain stops feeling like it's smothered in mud. This is all so weird.