So here's a thing I'm tired of seeing.

Some people (maybe because we've been steeped in a culture where sincerity is icky and even a sign of weakness, maybe because it's fun) use carefully placed insults as a tool for both bonding and even as a kind of compliment.

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Like: "By making this joke, I am expressing to you that I believe your status is high enough, and you are strong enough, that it will not bother you. Indeed, this joke is an admission that you and I are equals, or possibly that you are even superior to me."

And I don't think this is great, but it's not terrible. We have to live with the baggage we've been given. And it is effective sometimes.

But when the power dynamic isn't VERY CLEAR, it's really easy to misunderstand as negging, manipulation, or an assertion of dominance.

It's so easy to misunderstand (even easier when people don't have the same baggage around sincerity that my culture gave me) that it may be a tactic best used /never/, but it is definitely a tactic best used only in situations where power dynamics are very clear.

OK, That's all!