I don’t like talking about my feelings and my demons to anybody no more. I’m always misunderstood and my dreams were once crushed by my therapist. I don’t look forward to talking with my psychiatrist or my therapist anymore, but I fear being judged if I say that to them.

But then, I think about how my life would be if I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and my therapist altogether. I would get nothing accomplished in my life because I live in a trailer with a toxic family that I can’t escape from.

It’s difficult for me being autistic, having a toxic family in my life, and having no way of accomplishing my dreams. But then, I’m afraid to tell anybody what my dreams are for fear of being made fun of or judged or being called crazy.

It’s really difficult for me to be around people with feeling sad or angry. I’ve been through some traumatic events in my life and I can no longer trust anybody in my life because either they’ll judge me or the ones who personally know me will go running back to my mom about me.

I feel like Twitter is the only place where I can actually say what’s on my mind even though it’s hard for me to actually express my feelings. I can’t write my feelings down in a journal because I don’t trust anyone in my family by not respecting my privacy and my personal space.

It’s happened before and because of that, I can no longer trust anybody being in my room, my personal space, everything.

I’ve always wanted to live in Los Angeles. I love the entertainment industry, the social media industry, the beaches, there’s so many fun things to do there.

I hate it here in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is nothing compared to Los Angeles. Living in a suburb of Pittsburgh has always bored me.

I was honestly crushed when my therapist once told me that even if I do go on disability, going on disability won’t help me move to Los Angeles or even live there. I felt that she ruined my life in a way when I know in my heart that she didn’t. She was trying to help me.

After seeing people like @charlidamelio or @whoisaddison get famous through social media with no background or whatsoever (correct me if I’m wrong), I thought that if they could do it, I could do it, too.

I truly fear after posting this thread that I’ll be called out for expressing my feelings, that I’ll be judged for having mental health issues, that I’ll be bullied for what I want to do in my life. It’s better for me to post on Twitter about my thoughts in my opinion.

At this point, I don’t believe anything good will come out of this. I’m sure this will make me look bad, look like an idiot, stuff like that.

#depression #DepressionIsReal #autism #AutismAwareness #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #mentalhealth #threadstorytime #storytimethreads #SaturdayThoughts