I've possibly got ADHD, I don't know. But I've been talking recently about a technique I've got to help me do things I don't want to do, like checking my fucking email. Or stop doing things I want to keep doing, like stopping playing a game at midnight instead of at 4am.

It's based on a game me and other boys used to play in secondary school, called Slaps.

We'd all put a hand to the centre so they were all touching, then somebody would shout LAST, and the last person to pull their hand out would get that hand slapped by everybody.

It would be like getting the fucking belt. You had to put your hand out, palm down, and get the top slapped hard as fuck by each boy, one by one. But then you got to be one who called LAST next time.

We used to play it in winter when our hands were already sore with the cold.

Some boys would bail out with the pain, but I fucking loved it. Fucking loved dishing it out, loved getting it. But especially loved the feeling that I could stand more pain than the next cunt. Made me feel strong or something.

Anyway, I still think like that. I like the idea of me being able to withstand more physical pain than the next cunt. I could be wrong and I'm actually a big baby, but the desire is there. It's important to me for some reason.

My technique is based on that.

Usually, when I know I need to check my email or reply or send something to somebody, I'll put it off, I'll ignore it. It's emotionally painful to even get started. Fucking hate the feeling. I maybe subconsciously know it'll be confusing or complicated or boring as fuck.

So what I do now is I try to imagine the emotional pain as physical pain, and I say to myself I THOUGHT YOU CAN STAND PAIN, MATE. CAN YOU STAND THIS? LET'S SEE.

Or something like that.

And it works.

I have a problem just switching off a game and going to bed when I should. But the idea is painful, it's uncomfortable. The impulse to do it just won't come.

But what helps is if I see it as pain. That five seconds to go to menu, quit, ok. I see it as five seconds of pain.

Just endure the pain.

And bang, it's done.

It actually works. For me, anyway, cos that whole pain thing matters to me.

That's me finished talking about that now at 2:41am.