saw a self-styled ptsd and autism expert expounding lavishly on here the other day about how if a friend gently informed this person that they were in fact yelling by accident (common autistic experience) they would simply stop being friends with that person

“it is impossible to learn or change or function if you are autistic” is a position taken identically by hardcore Autism Liberation Experts and ableists and i feel this is not actually materially helpful to me, as an autistic person

i watch a lot A LOT of documentary/reality media about autism pedagogy in particular and i will tell you this much: not a single time have i seen any parent or teacher raising autistic children explain to the children that school, socializing etc are just another System to learn

if you tell an autistic child about the allegory of the cave (not in so many words but in general) when they enter public school they will be able to develop the psychological distance and framework necessary not to take every horrible, cruel, illogical thing about it Personally

no one ever tells children why they are being made to do this stupid shit in school. normal kids can deal with the constant cognitive dissonance and eventually internalize it; autistic children will eventually be driven insane. they need tools to make sense of the nastiness

i bang this drum constantly but my parents told me this: you are not there to “learn”, that’s just marketing. you’re there to get a piece of paper that says you can play well with others. that paper is your passport into Society when/if you need to prove you can do it

telling autistic kids “you have to do this because it’s the way it’s done” or “because i said so” or “because it’s what nice people do” isn’t helpful because those aren’t real reasons. you have to provide logical framework. “manners are so people can communicate with each other”

“we use a certain greeting on the phone because it gives people the information they need in a way they can understand it in order to make everyone’s day INCLUDING MINE easier and faster and lower stress.” then you answer all the branching questions from that answer

if you can learn conversation branching in video games and economy and cheat codes and boss patterns you are in a pretty good spot to transfer that method of learning to real life interactions. the fundamental logical frameworks are more complex but aren’t different

and guess what! being rebuked and corrected and maybe even teased a little bit is how the people around you let you know that you’re fucking up and that you should try again in a different way. rejection dysphoria is a bitch admittedly but it is not insurmountable