I work with therapists, and was subjected to multiple narcs in my family and relationships, here’s a few things I’ve learned through the trials.

Narcissistic abuse: a thread

People often make the mistake of confusing narcissism and mental illness. (Depression, anxiety, adhd ect) Narcissism is a personality disorder, and while “mental,” it’s incredibly difficult to treat. Therapy to treat narcs directly rarely helps.

(2) It simply gives them the tools to further manipulate en mass because they now know the game better. They can and will use learned therapy tactics against you as a weapon to further their agenda. Usually, that’s social prowess/ capital in some form or matter.

There is a difference between narc traits and being a full blown narcissist. How you spot one takes time, you have to watch them interact with others and yourself on a large scale. it can even go unnoticed unless you become a direct victim. This is why so many people fall prey.

Any growth seemingly made by a narc is usually a charade- they are highly manipulative, even to the point of fooling themselves and others into thinking how they’re behaving is normal, and justified. Though usually, they are sadly aware.

(1) Ex: Shane Dawson can be caught on camera calling themselves an empath and wanting to “ help” people repeatedlty. Martyrdom is a form of narcissism and control.

(2)They like to feel relied on, like a parent or guardian without any of the responsibility that comes with it. If you argue with them, or disagree with their perceived notions: they will resent you.

(3) If someone with bad vibes tells you they are an “empath” or try to ‘subtlety’ go off about what a good person they are on the constant: run. That shit shouldn’t need explaining. It should be seen and learned over time.

I’m personally not a fan of “fast”relationships for this reason. we live in a world where oversharing without precautions, or taking time to truly know a person, is dangerous

(1) Narcissists will likely approach you with charm, and friendliness. they’ll want to know everything about you! It’s a way of control later down the road. The more they know, the more they establish a closeness that you’ve never had with anyone before-the further you fall into-

(2) -their manipulation and gaslighting. Your trust is like a drug to them. They want to be your special person, the only person you go too.

Narcs will usually turn a mole hill into a mountain. They’ll do it on a wide set scale. They will poke, poke, poke, behind the scenes- then, once you’re brought to the brink or snap openly, they’ll use it as fuel against you.
“ see? They’re crazy! I’m a victim here”

They’ll love bomb people like crazy. Then leave them hanging high and dry. Depraved of that love, and catching it again in brief but seemingly wholesome quantities- is what keeps a codependent hooked.

If you try and leave, they can gaslight you, suicide bait ( sometimes on social media to gain sympathy ) isolate others from you, or feign an apology to get you back in so they can just repeat the same abusive patterns.

What a narcissist will rarely do is be the first one to up and leave. if they do, you can bet it won’t be without some form of gloating. They will demand the final word, and seek to gain power or control in a situation they suddenly have none in.

I think we all know the mythology surrounding narcissism. A man so enamored with his own reflection, that he refused to see anything else. Narcs will reflect their own inner demons and problems onto you.

The relationship is also unbalanced. Their problems get top priority. If you are going through a lot- and try to get the same support you give, a narc will somehow flip that around onto them, and how THEY feel about your problems.

They can be aggressive, and combative. Dislike being called out for their fowl mood, and prefer to exist in an untouched state where their hypocrisy is never questioned.Despite that, they will have no issues bringing conflict to your door- so long as it’s not about their bullshit

loud and expressive? you will be flattened in a narcissistic relationship. Like you are less than yourself, or have to walk on eggshells. They are the chief of sly comments- and know how to say things in public that wouldn’t seem problematic to others but are a direct hit 2 you

It’s exhausting. Simply being around them makes you anxious, it’s oppressive and taken for granted that the other person is superior to you.

Unfortunately, these people rarely face full consequences as they’re constantly buffered by their family and friends.

Why? Because they have their own appeal. They love to make decisions for people, they love the glory of leadership even if not the responsibility that comes with it. ( wanting control of yourself is normal- control of OTHERS is not)

If a narcissist perceives you as a threat, they will do their best to ostracize you. A friend pointed out to me that you don’t have to be a “bad “ person to a narc for them to consider you instinctively ‘dangerous.’

(1) “it's worth stating that a 'threat' can have nothing to do with a persons personality. Online narcs try to collect ppl with talents they lack so they can use/exploit those talents.—

(2) —“they can't fleece a talented person they want in their collection they'll either completely ignore them or try to demonize them.”

(3) ppl mistakenly assume due to the narcissus mythos that narcissists project self-love when in reality their self-obsession is more like Rly Aggressive Insecurity.

(4) “ “constantly seeking affirmation and praise, and self-deprecating to get it, falls under the narc trait umbrella even if everyone who does it, isn’t a narc.”

All and all they are extremely difficult people, and exist everywhere. The best way to survive is to Arm yourself up with love, allies, and confidence- learn your own boundaries and discover yourself again.