Thread;

Semi helpful tips...

If you were raped by a priest in your childhood & decades later the church wants an ‘apology meeting’ after fighting your civil case, here’s what you need to be ready for.

The Bishop’s Executive Assistant is your friendly guide to locations.

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She works Tuesdays, Thursdays & every other secondly third Monday (in a leap year).

But she’s TOTALLY sympathetic to your ‘unfortunate predicament’.

The Bishop is extremely busy, people.

His life exists only to serve, which is why he’ll be in Rome for the forseeable future.
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So that rules February out.

And then he’s taking a short mental health sabbatical for the entirety of March & will be uncontactable because the Abbey doesn’t have a phone.

Where is the Abbey?

Well, she’s not sure. The Bishop is an intensely private person, you understand.
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So back to business.

The Bishop will be flying into your city to have a pleasant(but demanding) day of meetings in a Catholic University/Cathedral/Parliament offices.

Naturally his time is premium.

As a survivor, you need to understand he only has a few minutes available.
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But goodness, please be assured that he cares DEEPLY about ALL of your people’.

He truly lives the truth of ‘suffer all ye children.’

He’s deeply grieved about all of it.

It really isn’t his problem so it’s extra generous of His Worship to see you.

You can call him Barry.
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The Bishop doesn’t stand on ceremony with abuse survivors.

He stands amongst you, shoulder to shoulder.

As do we all. Naturally.

Terrible. Just awful.

Now then. I can give you 40 minutes with the Bishop at 3pm?

Or else...how does June look?

He has 1 hour on 21st June?
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When deciding on a location; you’re not the one deciding.

If the Bishop wants you in his office, that’s where you’ll go.

Doesn’t matter if you were raped somewhere like that.

The Bishop couldn’t care & will be blithely unconcerned as he isn’t familiar with your case anyway.
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If he wants you in a fully glassed meeting room at a Catholic University with students strolling past (like in my case); that’s where you’ll be.

Or in a basement at Church Headquarters (Thanks Uniting Church! Way to make survivors feel AWESOME!)

Protest?

Nah. Just don’t.
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The Bishop will do all he can to not apologise, even when that’s why he’s there.

He might bring a ‘support person’, who you’ll discover is actually a church lawyer.

You’ll find that out when you ask any question of a Bishop.

But they’ll reassure you. Lawyers r for everyone!
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I mean, as a survivor, they’re not for you though.

They’ll be wounded & betrayed if you show up with a lawyer.

You should trust the church wants only the best for you. And these days their ‘pastoral care package’ is ‘extremely progressive & trauma informed’.

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Anyhoo, in ‘apology’ meetings with church officials, be ready to have so many contradictory messages given to you that you need 2 brains & a foreign translator to wrap your head around it.

Barry the Archbishop wants you to feel relaxed & at ease.

So does his legal counsel.
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Everything is delivered in corporate friendly terminology.

Raping a child (you, but they won’t be specific it’s you), is ‘regrettable’ & a ‘heinous abuse of trust’.

They will call your perpetrator a ‘monster’ who they could never have predicted would betray them like this.
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If that ‘monster’ has raped multiple kids & you point this out, there will be angry distancing by Barry the Archbishop & his friendly (often female, curiously) lawyer will suddenly become quite loud, instead of quietly supportive to His Worship’s psychological health.
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You’ll be asked if you have questions.

Be aware that preferred questions include;

“Can I have a glass of water please?”

“However do you cope with the demands Archbishops face?”

“Where is the bathroom?”

“Do I sign the non disclosure agreement on every page or just here?”
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Questions about how your abuse was covered up aren’t polite.

Manners are extremely important; Barry will become his honorary title to remind you of his unending benevolence in being there to ‘hear your woundedness’.

His lawyer will explain that there was no cover up.
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It will also be pointed out that any & all staff involved are dead, dying, no longer working, have been moved on, are uncontactable & now live in a yurt in Northern Mongolia.

So no one knows what they were thinking. They all feel deep grief about this nasty business.
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As Barry wraps up, if you’ve asked the right questions, he’ll reassure you that he is contactable anytime. Don’t hesitate.

He’s the bonofide hero of survivors everywhere! As you can read in his memoir.

Naturally you have his Executive Assistants details.
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Please contact his PA first though. You can reach her through Reception.

If you’ve asked the wrong questions, be ready for a short, sharp ending to your meeting.

Unfortunately, the Archbishop is running late for his next meeting.

“But we’ve found this helpful.”
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“And we’re sure that you have too.

Peace be with you on your journey through woundedness towards healing.”

You’ll be given the password to exit the cathedral carpark & told that it’s changed twice a day.

“Security is one of our top priorities!”
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For all that this thread is crazy ridiculous, it’s a combination of the reality I’ve experienced meeting with officials from 3 different denominations.

Maybe you’ll be ‘luckier’ than me.

Either way....hang in there.

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