tl asleep?

im someone who does not fit in...anywhere. idk how to fit in. and i feel like im worthless bc of that. i don't understand the fact that i don't need to fit in. i should simply be myself.

i act like i only have two choices:
a. fit in
b. kms

this is a very deep thought. one that explains part of the basics of what fuels my depression.

i asked myself why I don't ever dm people? people i like and want to get to know.

of course i will never shoot my gf shot. but what about my friendship shot?

part of the reason i don't shoot my friendship shot is because im introverted.

another factor is my fear of rejection; the thing that partially fuels my sadness; my fear of not 'fitting in' with other people of my age.

why can i not be normal? why can't i be 'cool'? why can't i be like others? why am I so weird? why do i feel so weird around other people of my age? why do I feel like an outsider? why am i an outsider? outsider...

outsider
that's the word.
the word that describes me best.

in case if you read any part of this thread, i just want to say, you don't have to tell me to "be myself". i already know that. idk why i can't deal with this insecurity. i don't.