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TW / Abuse
I’ve been pondering whether to speak on this but some tweets today have inspired me, so here goes. I am very vocal about abusive characters and relationships in books, if you are close to me you’ll know this. However +
I’ve been pondering whether to speak on this but some tweets today have inspired me, so here goes. I am very vocal about abusive characters and relationships in books, if you are close to me you’ll know this. However +
I was recently accused of being an abuse apologist after I tweeted about a villain being humanised by an author, and how it made me ‘simp’ for them (a word I use sarcastically). So I would like to provide some clarity about my reaction, and why this accusation was problematic. +
*deep breath* I experienced emotional and physical abuse for nearly 10 years of my life. I am incredibly passionate about educating people - especially women - on ‘red flags’ so they can either realise the truth of their situation & find a way to escape it, or initially avoid. +
Although the abuse I experienced was from a parental figure who I was dependent upon at the time (so could not escape), through therapy and education I have become very aware of all methods and signs of abuse - romantic, and platonic, as well as familial. +
Fictional villains would be impossible to engage with if authors didn’t want us to feel morally conflicted about them. The Darkling from Shadow and Bone is one such character (and who I was speaking about in the aforementioned tweet.) +
Underdeveloped exaggerations of villainy are generally forgotten (e.g. King of Hybern in ACOTAR), and ‘morally grey’ antagonists are remembered. Often some of their actions and behaviour can provoke indecisiveness, and make us wonder about their true motives and intentions. +
Hoping for redemption (until the point of no return, which can differ for each of us as a reader) is an intrinsic part of human nature - empathy - and one that non of us should be shamed for. Well developed and realistic characters aren’t often viewed as wholly ‘good’ or ‘bad’. +
Some of the fiction I read is dark and covers relationship tropes like ‘enemies to lovers’ which often involves (what I would deem) abusive behaviour. Some of these books I enjoy & openly praise, but that is because I am capable of thinking critically about the media I consume. +
I know that dark content, including abuse, should NEVER be idolised or imitated in reality, nor used as the basis for my moral beliefs. Even without my personal history and education, I’m an adult who can separate fiction and fantasy from the real world. +
Also, dark content in books often educates and empowers abuse victims - I have personally engaged with women who were able to identify abuse in a past or present relationship, due to reading about a similar situation in a novel. +
So, if you are concerned that someone is being misled by what they’re reading, and may not be mature enough to critically consume that content and separate fiction from reality, please POLITELY and respectfully engage with them. +
Do not shame strangers on the internet who you know NOTHING about, and accuse them of something so deeply problematic, when you have no evidence beyond a few tweets (especially when they have a humorous tone, like mine did). +
This accusation was very triggering for me, which is why I blocked the minority of people who reacted negatively. I am usually keen to engage in discourse about abusive relationships in fiction (or reality), but not at the expense of my own mental health and recovery.
