if you are on board with or open to fat politics but you are allo and not attracted to fat people, here is what you need to do:

- admit right here right now that it's not a "just preferences." that doesn't exist. it come from cultural values.

- put photos and movies and vids and tv shows of fat people in your eyeballs (not ones in fat suits and not obnoxious ones).

- follow fat people who post selfies (not ones in weight loss or contexts or ones insulting themselves).

- think about desirability politics. think about the ways that what we consider "hot" are affected by racism, colorism, transphobia, disfiguremisia, oppression of and bias against LPs, etc.

- add fatness into that group of things, in your mind.

- when you see fat people in real life, look at them. SUBTLY. DO NOT STARE, FOR FUCKS SAKE. but look at them subtly. see individuals. you probably have a trope in your mind of "fat person." let the trope drift away. we're actually all different from each other.

(even people who are attracted to fat people are not attracted to all of us. that would be creepy.)

be lyra:

"The idea hovered and shimmered delicately, like a soap bubble, and she dared not even look at it directly in case it burst. But she was familiar with the way of ideas, and she let it shimmer, looking away, thinking about something else." -Philip Pullman, Golden Compass

by which i mean, tell your attraction parameters to start to stretch. give your parameters permission to stretch.

confront, honestly, inside yourself, the fact that dating a fat person lowers your social status. face that.

ask yourself who you are. ask yourself about the ethics of choosing dates/mates by this criterion.

and meanwhile, during this process, do not date us or fuck us. do not use us as tools for your process. do not use us as experiments. ofc no pity fucks, no pity dates, but more than that, no "well intentioned" dates or fucks to TRY to shift your attraction.

you can date us and fuck us when you are genuinely attracted and see us as individuals and as valuable. you can date us when you can stand strong in the lower social status that it will sometimes bring, and protect US from that, to the degree possible, and never blame us.

and you can date and fuck us when WE want to date and fuck YOU. you may be gaining even more from it than we are.

i didn't mean to stop putting a dash before each point. i was led astray by a parenthetical.

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