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ok broskis, I think it's time about writing the events of the past few months into the twitter void
giving you a heads up - I'll be mentioning LOTS of sensible topics, big trigger warning - do mute me for the next hour or two while I'm writing this x
giving you a heads up - I'll be mentioning LOTS of sensible topics, big trigger warning - do mute me for the next hour or two while I'm writing this x
First, throwback to a year ago - I was 20, about to start my last year at uni. I didn't have the best experience so far, I've been struggling lots with depression and mental health, but this year I was gonna change it. Start powerlifting, work hard for uni and do social shit
I moved to campus accommodation where I didn't know the people beforehand. But we got along so well - especially with Luna and another housemate, we were planning to move together and we were just brilliant together
I soon noticed that I did like the other housemate quite a bit - which put me in an uncomfortable position, as we were living together + I had a bf at the time. I didn't want to ruin my relationship for some feelings, didn't want to ruin our group, but those feelings were here
Well.
On the 11th of October while I was in a lecture I was told that said housemate killed himself. I broke down. I went back and found security all around and I was crying non-stop. It felt unreal and my heart was ripped into pieces
On the 11th of October while I was in a lecture I was told that said housemate killed himself. I broke down. I went back and found security all around and I was crying non-stop. It felt unreal and my heart was ripped into pieces
I went to work the day after, trying to distract myself. It didn't work well. So I downed a bottle of vodka, fucked off and woke up in hospital.
I was lucky I sent Luna my location before passing out on the street. And I still got a scar from when I killed a cig on my hand
I was lucky I sent Luna my location before passing out on the street. And I still got a scar from when I killed a cig on my hand
The following days felt bizarre. I was so confused. Then my bf came up, he realised I was so bad bc I had feelings for someone else and broke up with me. He said he didn't want me to get my hopes up and end it now than later. Another punch in the gut
Campus security had to pick me up because I was at risk of harming myself. I was so low.
And I was alone - but I realised because of that, I had to get better myself.
I broke down in the office of my supervisor, I felt so defeated because I wasn't happy with my Bsc project I got
And I was alone - but I realised because of that, I had to get better myself.
I broke down in the office of my supervisor, I felt so defeated because I wasn't happy with my Bsc project I got
But I got better - went to lectures, did my work, went back home and healed. It was hard but I'm surrounded by amazing friends, who let me cry in their laps for hours and got me comfort food and listened to me while crying on the phone for hours - I am blessed with them
In January when I felt better, I thought I should give the dating life a go - went on tons of date, shagged around and just vibed lmao.
Until. I met a guy and the first night I met him I was all over him. https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1222616796777385986
Until. I met a guy and the first night I met him I was all over him. https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1222616796777385986
We'd go on many dates and cuddle and share personal stuff and I was crushing so hard on him. I was so happy, but at the same time feelings + uni work were getting onto me.
Plus I snapped his banjo string and things started to go down from there https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1229839250436317184
Plus I snapped his banjo string and things started to go down from there https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1229839250436317184
I understand sexuality is a weird thing, but he started sending mixed messages. When we met again after 2 weeks, he was as cute as always but shortly after lockdown started and I was so anxious if I'd ever see him again. https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1240719531166830593
I was flirting with him over text, but he didn't really engage, maybe he was just reserved? I asked him if he wanted to keep dating once I'm back, to which he said yes, so it'd be all good. He drove up the week I came back to the UK and god I was excited. https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1283329186950766592
But oh boy.
The night he arrive we were cuddling in bed when he just said he didn't have feelings for me. It felt like I was shot in my chest, but I expected it https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1286070698587435009
The night he arrive we were cuddling in bed when he just said he didn't have feelings for me. It felt like I was shot in my chest, but I expected it https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1286070698587435009
The day after we talked about everything - he told me his story and it broke my heart. The mixed signals make sense now, but I was still hurting. I realised I was more in love with the image in my head than with the actual person. Liking him was probably more hurtful than that.
But unfortunately, this is not the end yet. The aftermath of this hit me like an earthquake lmao. Not going into details, but it was baso the result of miscommunications, misunderstandings and me being a bit of a twat hahaha.
There is still some healing to do - but that's (HOPEFULLY) it. It's been a wild ride and honestly, I feel like I aged for a decade within this year. I've been facing some of the hardest challenges EVER, but I also feel stronger than ever. So let's end this thread on a good note:
I've fulfilled my dream of not only finishing my Bsc in England but also getting a MRes!!! The previously mentioned Bsc project made me realise my love for data science, which I'll be doing for the next year!! I cannot wait 
https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1289185716279230464
https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1289185716279230464
I've been talking to MC guy and we get along so well - he is such a sweetheart and this time I'm being direct with my intentions from the start lmao. He is so understanding and supportive and I couldn't be happier https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1286742093235462144
(on that note: I am not rushing into anything, some time still needs to pass. But he is aware of that and listens to all my vents and is so uplifting. Opening up made me so anxious but having done that feels so rewarding)
Last but not least: The homies.
I have the best people I could think of in my life. My pals are the most supportive, loving, hilarious people I know and I couldn't be happier to have them in my life. I haven't made it this far without you and I'm so so grateful to know you.
I have the best people I could think of in my life. My pals are the most supportive, loving, hilarious people I know and I couldn't be happier to have them in my life. I haven't made it this far without you and I'm so so grateful to know you.
On this note, shout out to all the peeps who have checked up on me or just briefly interacted with me on here. You all made my days a little bit better and that's all it needs. Love to all of you x https://twitter.com/idkkati/status/1284244779371560965
