1/
Oh Donnie Donuts, you don’t understand what you have unleashed with this TikTok threat.

My boys are 11 (2x)

“Dad, did you know if you write to the Trump Campaign to volunteer they’ll send you boxes of stuff to hand out for free?”

“I didn’t know that how do YOU know that?”

2/

“This guy is gonna shut down TikTok cause we messed up his rally?”

“Well it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“Whatever.”

“Wait, how did you know about the free stuff for volunteering for his campaign?”

*They look at each other. I know that look*

“What did you do?”

3/
Quiet. They did something.

“Boys, what’s going on? What did you do?”

“Dad, don’t get mad.”

“What!”

“You know how we all ordered those tickets for the Trump rally?”

“Uhh, yeah.”

They look at each other again.

“C’mon what?”

4/

“But dad it’s not fair. We are stuck inside and this is what we do.”

“Alright. Enough. What is going on?”

“If you sign up to be a volunteer in your neighborhood they send you boxes of stuff to hand out.”

“Okay...”

“So everyone on TikTok is signing up to be a volunteer.”

5/

“Oh no. You guys volunteered, didn’t you?”

“Yes. We did. But...”

“But what?”

“We signed up 30x times...”

“YOU DID WHAT!”

“IT’S NOT FAIR IF HE SHUTS IT DOWN!”

“So wait a second, we are getting 30 boxes of Trump stuff sent to our house?”

Quiet.

Silence.

“WELL...?”

6/
“Yes. We did and yes we are getting 30 boxes of Trump stuff for free.”

“Boys, what’s in this box of stuff? C’mon guys. Your mother is going to kill you guys. What are we going to do with 30 boxes of Trump stuff?”

Silence.

“So?” I demand.

“Burn it. Burn it to the ground.”

7/

I think my work is done here.

We are going to be ok.

The future is bright.

(30 boxes of this coming to the YS household this week for a nice bonfire).