A very short thread on being a survivor of child abuse and #selfharm
I have no idea if anybody needs to hear this right now, and if you dont then scroll on with my blessings

I was abused by a family member, a woman, when I was a teen
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And as is often the case after the abuse came the psychological control, the fear and the gasslighting.
Even though i didnt know it I used #selfharm as a way to manage what i was feeling and that has been the pattern throughout my life even as an adult
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Selfharm, self destructive behaviour & #suicide ideation
But its been 7 months since I last self harmed, and almost as long since seriously thinking of ending my life. 7 months that have been more strange, stressful and challenging than anybody would have predicted
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Now i dont claim to have beaten these thoughts and behaviours, far from it i know they are with me every day
I dont claim some super power to have resisted, i have been lucky and have support here on twitter, #csaqt
& i know i will fail in the future & go back to those ways
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But i try to remember that slipping back isnt a real failure its just the nature of things and we can go forward from there once again
Sometimes we can learn something, what triggered it? Why we were so low?
Other time we just have to accept it
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But if you are reading this thread, if any of it resonates with you,
If you have felt as i have felt,
Have stared into the abyss as i have
Then remember You have survived every day you thought you couldn't go on
You have won every battle against the deamons
YOU ARE A WARRIOR