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I’ve been asked to tell a tale often told about our family. It’s the kind of story that no one believes would ACTUALLY HAPPEN.
I’m here to tell you that with Hungarian stubbornness and a firm belief in yourself being the center of the universe, ANYTHING can happen!
I’m here to tell you that with Hungarian stubbornness and a firm belief in yourself being the center of the universe, ANYTHING can happen!
1/? So once upon a time, many many moons ago, an uncle on my father& #39;s side was having a funeral for his "wife". I put that into quotes because they weren& #39;t actually married because social security hates happiness.
2/? Now, this didn& #39;t endear her to my uncle& #39;s sister (okay the exact nature of the familial relationships are lost on me? there was a lot of ellis islanding, vouching for other members to stay in the US that happened in the 40s. BUT THEY ARE RELATED).
3/? Rosie (pronounced RO-Gee) was not a fan of this woman, probably mostly due to the living in sin angle, we& #39;re Jewish, but still judgy apparently. It& #39;s not like this was Uncle& #39;s first "Wife"? He& #39;d been actually married before and she& #39;d died. And then married a second time too?
4/? So yeah, I sort of don& #39;t blame him for how his third long term relationship panned out without wedlock. Alas, my uncle was doomed to outlive this third wife as well. I don& #39;t know if you& #39;ve ever BEEN to a funeral for a third wife, but I& #39;m told it& #39;s already pretty darn weird.
5/? Note: I was not alive for this, but I can take a pretty good guess about the mood that was already in the air. So anyway, there is a MOOD. One might even describe it as a HUNGARIAN MOOD (don& #39;t ask) and after the ceremony everyone piles into the cars to go graveside.
6/? Graveside at Jewish funerals are pretty important. You& #39;re not supposed to leave until at least the casket is fully covered and we have people there whose sole job it is to make sure that happens in case the family members aren& #39;t able to do that themselves.
7/? So to sum up, we have the Rabbi (officiating), the cemetery people are there, the health department is probably there since this is NY and that& #39;s a thing that happens, the shomer is there, all sorts of people are there. These are people who know what they& #39;re doing.
8/? And right up until my uncle& #39;s sister gets out of the car and approaches the grave does anyone feel the least bit worried. ...those poor souls.
Suddenly, a voice pipes up. And we ALL know that voice. It& #39;s deep and gravely and yet still high pitched and whiney.
Suddenly, a voice pipes up. And we ALL know that voice. It& #39;s deep and gravely and yet still high pitched and whiney.
9/? It& #39;s a voice that curdles milk and kills appetites. It& #39;s a voice that a voice actor could only aspire to inject so many layers of dissatisfaction into so few words. It& #39;s a voice that yells:
"WAIT! YOU& #39;VE OPENED THE WRONG GRAVE!"
"WAIT! YOU& #39;VE OPENED THE WRONG GRAVE!"
10/? And I don& #39;t know if you& #39;ve ever SEEN someone kick a hornet& #39;s nest?
...yeah.
So immediately everyone who has anything to do with finding the right grave to open pops into action. Maps are taken out, walkie talkies are turned on, Rabbis face palm (I& #39;m just assuming that one)
...yeah.
So immediately everyone who has anything to do with finding the right grave to open pops into action. Maps are taken out, walkie talkies are turned on, Rabbis face palm (I& #39;m just assuming that one)
11/? And then the confusion intensifies, because according to all their paperwork, it is indeed the correct grave! But one never knows! This is the 70s (I think) so databases aren& #39;t always correct! Lots of information is hand written.
12/? Look, READING A MAP IS HARD. And this was before GPS. So there& #39;s always a CHANCE there& #39;s something wrong so they all run to make sure! But eventually it comes out that no, according to all the information they have, it& #39;s NOT the wrong grave. You know what this means?
13/? They now have to REASON with that voice. So my grandfather, who is absolutely NOT a peacemaker in his family. Like, he& #39;s much more likely to encourage my grandmother to leave names off invitation lists for my parent& #39;s wedding (A THINK THAT HAPPENED) than offer to negotiate.
14/? They figure out that Rosie is upset because her eventual grave site is right there next to her brother. My grandfather assumes she worries the wife is going into her grave. So he explains "Look, Wife goes here, Uncle goes there, and You& #39;re right there. it& #39;s all fine."
15/? This is where I assume there& #39;s a dramatic pause, the kind where the universe is just shaking its head because it knows what& #39;s coming and it feels like considering these people are all related they should too. And honestly? MAYBE.
16/? So Rosie looks at my grandfather, points to Uncle, her brother, and says "HOW DO I KNOW HOW MANY *MORE* HE& #39;S GOING TO PLANT BEFORE I GO?"
...accounts of what happened next are mixed. But no one died, so I consider that a win.
...accounts of what happened next are mixed. But no one died, so I consider that a win.
17/? All I know is that Wife was buried. Rosie was unhappy (but that wasn& #39;t anything new) and my grandfather never attempted to place peacemaker ever again.
And that is why @Muppetk and I feel that really, all things considered, we& #39;re incredibly well adjusted.
And that is why @Muppetk and I feel that really, all things considered, we& #39;re incredibly well adjusted.
18/18
THE END.
THE END.
