1/Never fun being called out, even very gently, but it can be an important factor in doing better. Have been thinking a lot about this over the past few days. Backstory is @jennifurret had a discussion with someone else I follow about trans issues over a period of several days. https://twitter.com/jennifurret/status/1288125993933185024

2/Since I follow them both I saw snippets of this conversation from time to time but didn't get involved. Dude was clearly saying some stuff that was at least borderline but I didn't want to spend the time and energy to read and consider the whole conversation and join it.

3/One has to pick one's battles and I didn't want to pick this one. There's a door and behind it may be some bigoted stuff and much of the time I'm not going to want to go through that door to look for more problems.

I now realize this is not the right approach.

4/It's possible to support trans people in a discussion without having to come to a decision on whether someone else is *really* saying something transphobic. And that's what I should have done. And what I'll do now.

5/Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Nonbinary folks are nonbinary. Listen to trans and nonbinary people.

6/They will tell you about the hate they have experienced, the violence they have endured or credibly feared, the anguish they've felt. It is gross to use trans folks as a topic for abstract, philosophical debate disconnected from the reality of their lives and their experiences.

7/If you act like various abstract hypotheticals should have equal weight to the literally life-or-death difficulties experienced by trans people, I think less of you.

8/This pattern often arises from a fundamental lack of empathy—really I do not think the same people doing this would treat other groups of people in the same way. And an ignorance of what trans people experience.

9/But this ignorance is not benign. High-minded public discussions that do not include the fundamental assumption of trans dignity and self-determination, no matter how temperate, contribute to the hate trans people experience for others. You cannot wish away this context.

10/That's what I have to say for now. I did not tag in the other person mentioned because I did not want this thread to be about him specifically but I'll make sure he sees it.