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There are a few key things that people who don't have OCD don't get about the disorder. 1) It's not just compulsive cleaning or chexking light switches. There are 5 categories of OCD, within those categories an infinite number of manifestations. 1/
Categories:
1.Checking
2. Contamination / Mental Contamination
3. Symmetry and ordering
4. Ruminations / Intrusive Thoughts
5. Hoarding
1.Checking
2. Contamination / Mental Contamination
3. Symmetry and ordering
4. Ruminations / Intrusive Thoughts
5. Hoarding
2) Compulsions are a way to momentarily soothe obsessive fears. In other words, someone who compulsively washes their hands isn't obsessed with the action itself, but with the fear of what will happen if they don't.
Here's an example of the thought process of someone with contamination OCD: "Oh god, I grazed my hand on a dirty door knob. I'm going to catch a flesh eating bacteria. I must wash my hands for 30 sec with scolding hot water and bleach 3 times in row so I won't get infected."
Intrusive thoughts OCD's is internal. Mind you, everyone has intrusive thoughts. Someone without OCD wil take note of how odd the thought is then move, while someone with OCD will obsess over that same thought for hours every day.
Example: You see a person and imagine pushing them down the stairs. The image keeps popping up in your mind every time you look at someone. Thought process: "Why did I think that?? Am I a murderer? No, I don't want to kill or hurt them! Or do I?
If I don't want to do it, then why did I think of that in first place. Did I enjoy that thought? How did my body feel after thinking that? Did it feel good? No, that's just anxiety. What are the specific symptoms of anxiety. Let me check Web MD. Yep it's anxiety...
Hold on. Maybe I should read some research about psychopathic murderers' psychology. Ok. That's not me, at least I don't think so. But doctors haven't examined ALL murderers. But it's not like they can't experience anxiety. I should just not look at anyone."
Intrusive thoughts can be related to religion, sexuality, violence, etc. An important note is that people with this type of OCD are the least likely to act on these thoughts. In fact, they find them repulsive and do anything to avoid them and prevent them from happening.
3) People can cycle through various forms of OCD and even experience multiple types at the same time (I say this from personal experience and I wish more articles pointed this out).
I won't go into too much detail about my experience, but I will say I've cycled through rumination, intrusive thoughts, contamination, and mental contamination. My OCD manifested when I was 6 or 7 years old.
When I was 7 years old, I watched a movie called Ssssss. It's about a scientist who turns humans into snakes. There's a scene in the movie that takes place at a circus. It shows a man caught halfway between the transformation from human to snake.
He's on his belly because his arms and limbs only extend to his elbows and knees. Skin a scaley, sickening mint green. A face both human and snake-like.
This image stuck with me for SEVEN YEARS. Every time closed my eyes, every time I spaced out, there it was. I developed insomnia because I was afraid to close my eyes and would only fall to sleep when I was absolutely exhausted.
Imagine experiencing the same revulsion, the same fear for hours every day. I tried to imagine that stupid abomination morph into my priest. I avoided anything that reminded me of the image. I constantly tried to convince myself that it wasn't something I SHOULD obsess over.
While going through this, I developed an obsession with every time I "sinned." I believed the only way I could repent and relieve the guilt was by going to fucking confession. Side note, I am no longer Catholic and still bitter about its fire and brimstone ideology on sinning.
Eventually, these both sort of passed. The images stopped over time, probably out of exhaustion which led to indifference (though I refuse to this day to watch that movie because I'm afraid it will trigger the obsession).
And I still obsess over things I feel I've done wrong, but the accompanying anxiety isn't as bad and I don't give a shit about God's forgiveness.
This is all I'm comfortable revealing because it's been over 20 years. But I want to point out the irrational nature of OCD. In most cases, people are aware of the irrationality of these fears and compulsions (though I do believe there a subbranch OCD where people aren't).
One of the things that makes it so horrible. The shame of knowing you're being "ridiculous," but having no control over your mind, over the unending guilt and anxiety. My therapist told me OCD is also called the doubting disease.
I'll conclude this thread by saying there's a way to manage (not cure) OCD. CBT like exposure therapy, training yourself to ride the wave of anxiety and not engage in the compulsions, and some SSRIs.
The SSRIs helped make my obsessions manageable so I could use the techniques I learned in therapy. Unfortunately, I developed an adverse reaction to SSRIs, so I had to stop taking them, but my OCD isn't nearly as bad right now since I still use the management techniques.
It sucks knowing I must be constantly vigilant of spikes or when I sense a new obsession developing for the rest of my life. But I'm also comforted by my progress, the fact I can manage it and have agency. FIN (I'll probably delete this thread lol)
