to achilles,

you were my dream. oh god you were the dream i’ve always wanted to fulfill. you were the dream i’ve always longed for. yet you, too, were the dream i knew i could never have.

we were young when i first met you. you were my first love. a love so sweet. a love that made me experience joy and filled my heart with ease. a love sweeter than all the candies i could eat. you were the sweetest of sweet. yet how could something so sweet be so bitter?

oh young love. how unpredictable. how carefree. i thought that you were the one for me. i assumed you were my one true love for eternity. i imagined a forever with you, a lifetime filled with bliss. how ignorant of me.

i never thought that my greatest love could also be my greatest heartbreak. you proposed to me, with a pearl ring and a bended knee. you don’t know how that made me so happy. why did you take that happiness away from me?

we got separated. and in my head held confidence. i was so sure, achilles, that distance would never be a barrier. you promised. but why? why did you choose her over me? a family, you promised. my heart got shattered when suddenly, you formed a family. not with me though.

on the day of your wedding, i thought that i could live no more. the man of my dreams was getting married! i was the one promised to be the bride yet suddenly, i was a spectator. it hurt, achilles. a thousand times more than you can imagine.

14 years. more than a decade. you had 2 handsome little children. forgive me for this, but i was happy when alana died. it was something i should not rejoice for but i did. i thought that i had the chance to finally be with my dream. i guess nothing really goes my way.

it was raining then when i begged infront of you. oh god could you imagine that?! i was called the graceful and elegant maria emilia galvez! the maria emilia galvez was crying and begging achilles riego to take her back.

and again, you broke my heart. that was the day where the fury in my heart got wilder and broke free. i swore to avenge my shattered love that day. could you blame me though? i was hurt. you hurt me, achilles. so so much!

that made me question myself. was i not enough? was i too demanding? too maarte? too ugly? was my body not fit enough? do i irritate you? do i disgust you? tell me why, achilles? why?

why did you not choose me?

i tried to forget you. it took a lot of time, i must say. it was not easy. it was never easy. sleepless night, random breakdowns, silent crying. it was really hard, achilles. i kept thinking if all those years, did you ever think of me? was i ever on your mind?

did you really love me? i really want to know. or was i only your flavor of the month? god i was so obsessed with you back then! you never left my mind. a little secret of mine was i sometimes spy on your family. and my heart hurt everytime i see you so happy with your wife.

that was supposed to be me. the woman to wear your ring. maria emilia galvez-riego sounded so great. i was supposed to bear your children. you were supposed to be my forever. i guess not huh?

i was so desperate to get my revenge so forgive me for intervening with your work. forgive me for making you face my wrath.

i had a long line of suitors then but you were all i ever wanted. but i had to choose one. sadly, you were not one of the choices.

i chose gaudencio sevilla. he had the looks and the name. but something was not wrong. he was not you. he was so kind and understanding. i never understood how he managed to keep up with me. i always held a barrier in between us. a barrier that he was so persistent to break.

he never left my side. he was with me whenever i cried. in his arms was where i cry everytime i remember you. he always understood. he always loved me.

dencio was everything a woman could ever ask for. he was a goal. he was a dream. but the woman i am was so keen to have her achilles and did not even gave a glance to dencio.

oh god i regret. i regret refusing his dates. i regret pushing him away. i regret telling him i could never love him. if only i could turn back time.

i got pregnant and we had our precious angel, amber. dencio held me and our baby in his arms. something in my heart swelled. something i forgot what felt like. it was happiness.

i was happy, but i couldn’t bring myself to admit that. being with the father of my child was blissful. watching our angel grow was like heaven. i finally felt complete, achilles. we were complete, with our own separate families.

sometimes i still think about you and the thought of you angers me. i was over you but not with what you have done. i was angry at you for making me feel worthless. it was hard for me to forgive you.

can you believe it? my niece and your eldest. my angel and your youngest. how evil was destiny to pair our next generation together. fate really did play with us.

i may have tried to get the four to split. i butchered the name of the riegos back then. i just didn’t want my niece and daughter to experience the same heartbreak i did. i thought that a riego would only break the heart of a galvez again.

i experienced another heartbreak when gaudencio died. i thought he would be with me forever. he promised to grow old with me, to watch our daughter have her own family. it hurt, achilles. it really did. i loved my dencio too.

from the start, i was right. dencio was not you. because he is guadencio sevilla. my gaudencio sevilla.

does life hate me? why does it take everything away from me? it hurt more when amber accused me of not caring for her father’s death. does everybody think that way?

he is not my greatest love. he was the love that i wished to have for eternity. he was the love that i would choose over and over again if i was given the chance to. he was the only one who put up with me. he was the only one who understood me fully. why?!

enough of the drama. i might have gotten carried away. it still hurts whenever i think of it. but now, im happy. you’re happy too. look! my daughter and your son are getting married soon. how unpredictable could fate be.

for years, i’ve sheltered my anger in my heart. to avoid you was a must for me. but now, i’m ready to forgive.

how long has it been since out first meeting? decades? it doesn’t matter now. im happy now and you are too. it is about time to let go of this heavy burden inside my chest. it is time to let you go.

i would never forget you, achilles. you were the first person to make my heart beat. i was your sun and you were my heartbeat. i would cherish our memories forever. maybe not the bad parts. i wish you happiness.

i forgive you, achilles.