What I learnt on the Twitters this week:

1. G-G Payette scheduled to appear on the Ellen show but talks break down when teams of staffers started bullying and belittling one another.
2. Poilievre asks PM 87 questions in 6 minutes, in case you were wondering "how much" questions.

3. Harper-Ford Con Jenni Bryne says contract for WE not handled the way other contracts handled in any recent previous pandemics.
4. Doug announces slate of new LTC beds. No new staff. Ford says residents to care for one another. Insists they will become more resilient that way.

5. Charlie Angus tweets a modified Theo Moudakis editorial cartoon without permission. No word on why Angus didn't just use a kid's picture off his fridge door for better-crafted drawing.
6. Brian Lilley reports that someone else is pasty-faced. That's it. That's the funny part.

7. Following Thursday's WE Committee hearing, Michael Cooper storms over to neighbour's to give a certain 12 year-old Young Conservatives' Club member a real piece of his mind for giving Cooper that flawed Telford/Kenya intel from the Parler.
8. "How much. How much. How much."

9. 98% of AB doctors don't support AB Health Minister. Shandro unavailable for comment due to personal doctor's appointment scheduled in Regina.
10. Twitter announces new award for work teams who achieve highest rate of getting ratio'd on Twitter. Matt Wolf to accept UCP's award.

11. Doug announces $309M for measures to prevent COVID spread when schools open in September. Ford says Buck-a-Kid is an historic investment, compared to all other Ontario pandemics.
12. Ford continues taxpayer-funded Ontario election tour with mores stops at places serving food.

13. Ed Min LaGrange announces new school year will see thousands of photos of public health nurses posted in school hallways to encourage kids to stay healthy. Says kids will also be thoroughly hosed down at end of each school day.
14. Lecce tweets selfie wearing sassy new shirt.

15. Doug Kenney & Jason Ford announce they'll be investing a trazillion dollars of Fed money in projects involving total shovel-readiness* and creating a trazillion new jobs and putting historic amounts of money in every Ontabertan's pockets.
16. *Fight ensues over the shovel.

17. Kenney announces his majority government passed a record-number of bills. During a pandemic. Assures Albertans there's nothing to worry about. Everything will be just fine.
18. Poilievre uses one of his many spy drones to knock power out at Chair's house during WE session.

19. Trump says he'll ban Tik Tok. Says he'll build a digital Wall to prevent access to the US by cute ANTIFA dogs, dancing ANTIFA teens, crazy ANTIFA stunts, and Jagmeet Singh.
20. Mitch McConnell says US election date stands. Trump says he'll have to check with Putin on that.

21. NHL play resumes today. Teams will participate in tournament-style play leading to a playoff series to see who takes home the COVID (Cup)
22. Toronto moves to Stage 3 this week, allowing T.O. drivers to leave the safety of their vehicles to get in fisticuffs with cyclists.

23. Doug announces LTC Inquiry will be private, results will not be released, and recommendations to be non-binding. Meetings to be held at Mike Harris's cottage.
24. Liberal government reverses decision on Nova Scotia mass shooting and opts for public inquiry. Outcry can work.

25. Ryan Reynolds helps Vancouver-area women find stolen Memory Bear containing recording of late mother's voice. That's it. That's the awesome Canadian tweet.
26. It's the August long weekend. In Canada. Try to make time to howl at the moon. Stay safe.