I've been thinking a lot about how fellow ED friends of mine have been struggling during lockdown and how careless people are about weight gain jokes and shaming (I won't repeat all the ones I've read and heard because they're thoughtless at best and cruel at worst).

when we talk to each other, it's like, oh hey, what triggered you today? friend's facebook post? parent telling you that you should stop wasting so much money on new clothes when your old ones ought to fit? ordered pizza and shame-spiralled for a week?

like, this is one reason why fat liberation is so important. people of all sizes have eating disorders and it's a direct result of this constant feedback loop of guilt and shame and self-harm induced by harmful messages about how bodies are meant to look.

I want to never think about my weight again. I want it to be as inconsequential as my height or my shoe size. I want to feel good in my clothes and good in my body without having to hurt myself first. I want to do things that make my body feel good without feeling guilty later.

I want to wake up one day and know that my body is just fine the way it is, even if it changes from time to time, because that's a natural thing that happens. I have no idea how long it'll take to get to that place, but I wish I could skip forward in time to that day right now.