For my entire childhood my adoptive mom insisted my birth mom wanted nothing to do with me, she refused to hold me, couldnt wait to get me out.

She told me that my mom would joke "if you want another one, come back in a year"

Imagine being told this when you're 7.
Whenever I face rejection of any kind, someone is upset with me, or feel unwelcome, I instantly hear in my head my adoptive mother say

"Youre a fuck up like your birth mom and she didn't even want you"

I am 29 and still hear this voice daily in my head.
So to have my sister tell me yesterday my birth mom didn't want to place me for adoption after all, but felt heavily pressured by my adoptive mom & lawyers, leaves me thinking 2 things

1) I have 29 years of rewiring to do

2) it confirms knowing what an absolute POS my AM was
I cry almost at least once a day and ask myself why I wasn't a wanted child. Many adopted people suffer from C-PTSD.

My story is not unique.

This is the reality for domestic infant adoptees in America.
I shouldn't have to be playing catch up now to get to know my brother and sister, who by the way, I feel so naturally at home with I can't even begin to describe it.

Is this that sense of family that glues us together? This feeling is one I have never experienced before.
Its just small things that I share with them that make me feel less alien.

My niece does the same mumble talk as me.

My sister refers to herself in third person when she can't find something.

My brother walks around listening to educational podcasts while he cooks.
Maybe ill delete this thread later but im feeling sentimental right now 😅
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