so i'm watching london has fallen which is...about something?? anyways there's this insurgency group that attacks the city, they have infiltrated the police and military and so they use 2 (two) of their limited police vans and explosives to SVBIED both sides of the same bridge?

i thought (? it hasnt been explained in any way) the terrorists (?) wanted to take out a bunch of politicians/leaders but now they're blowing up a random tower on Westminster Abbey and not like the houses of parliament or the palace which are rght across the street??

so the French president is on this tiny boat (idk why they didnt explain) very much just shootable from thousands of vantage points and instead they blow up a container ship (BBIED)

you know, the way explosives grow on trees by the ton apparently

also i know we moved on from the bridge but why were the world leaders going to Westminster via Chelsea Bridge?? where there was a traffic jam like???

okay so their extraction plan as far as i can tell heavily relied on the premise that after an attack all the crowds, dead people, terrorists, and traffic jammed cars would just...disappear into thin air somehow? which magically they did so well done

good to see that the worlds largest complex terror attack with at least 5 catastrophic explosions they would have felt AND a very shooty car chase is not in any way dissuading these people from leisurely strolling down the street

Secret Service guy: KEEP PRESSURE ON THE (neck gs) WOUND

President, literally less than one second later: *takes hands away* he's dead now

terrorist 1 probably: so you know how we control like half the police and an entire fleet of vehicles

terrorist 2: yes

terrorist 1: okay so i was thinking should we maybe block some roads so the president can't just drive out?

terrorist 2: NO FOCUS ON MAKING MORE BOMBS!

eeh no this goes here https://twitter.com/AbraxasSpa/status/1289513920047153156

yes i have started drinking

i am bareIy a third of the way through this awfuI movie pIs send heIp

okay so the terrorists cut off *aII* eIectricity and *aII* communications in and out of Iondon (somehow?? with a computer and one giant bomb?? dont ask) the US cant even reach their president but Downing Street can stiII do totaIIy normaI press briefings somehow

oooh is the vice president the baddie?

they are now using manpads to shoot at marine 1 from the rooftops

good thing they knew *exactIy* over which roofs the president would fly during exfil or this would have looked like a super fucking dumb plan

Secret Service Guy: Mr President, we're gonna take a hit. Brace for impact!

30 second close up of everyone's face where exactly NOBODY in that fucking bird braces for impact

*impact*

this lady is talking *A LOT* for someone dying from a spike through their torso

this dude just claimed the attack
apparently he is mad about western drone wars (fair tbh)

...not 1000% sure why they were targeting the Japanese prime minister?? like...that seems slightly off topic there, chief??

according to Morgan Freeman and his drawl the man is called Hamawara Marquawy or something

the bad terrorist man said something mean about the president so now the Secret Service Guy who I think is the good?? guy?? is torturing the captive injured terrorist brother to death so the other guy can hear it over the radio??? you know, the way you do???

President: there was a drone strike on him, authorized by the G8

AUTHORIZED BY THE G8

...authorized by the g8

.....???

the bad guys found them bc they intercepted a message which didn't mention their location

so that makes sense, they also dressed up like good guys but then made no attempt to trick the president and security guy into believing they were good guys, so...yeah??

number of people tortured to death by the good guys is now 2

both with a knife which honestly at this point is starting to seem like a sex thing, Mr Secret Service Guy

I've watched Criminal Minds, I know what the stabby stabby thing is about

this man has walked out of a helicopter crash, a car crash, had a run, parkoured, and slid on his back and still the suit doesn't have a single tear

now that's functional clothing

you know, the way times square has all those video screens to livestream execution videos??

phew good thing the crazy terrorist gave the president a whole like 5 minutes to recite the oath of office for some fucking reason and give him an awkward shoulder massage with a knife or else the good guy would have been too late

"You know what you guys don't get? We're* not a fucking building, we're not a fucking flag, we're not just one man (...) a 1000 years from now we'll still fucking be here" Secret Service guy says in a Scottish accent while murdering someone

*unclear who we is?? maybe America???

Good thing Secret Service guy brought a magic bomb that makes the hallways fill with fire and also apparently has zero blast wave so the terrorist can just chill there and serenely accept his fate or something as the flames reach him

okay so they provoked a massive terror attack that took out half of NATOs leaders and the city of london when they fucked up a drone strike and killed a family so they're retaliating with a drone strike on a house in the city center of some town

this is a happy end somehow??

apparently we are supposed to care about the Torturing PeopIe To Death dude getting time off to take care of his freshly spawned crotch goblin now

i do not

it has ended

hallelujah