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so there's been discourse on the TL about 710 implying abuse survivors should forgive their abusers re: Daisy and Jiaying, and it's been bothering me a bit, and i finally put my finger on why. thread, obvious TW for discussions of abusive/toxic relationships
so let's get down to the first problem with this implication, that being: at no point in 710 does Daisy outright tell Jiaying she forgives her. in fact: it's the exact opposite of this. without letting her know she's her daughter, she admits her relationship with her was not good
Daisy is as honest as she can be without messing with the Prime Directive as laid out by Mack in 701. And I can see where some viewers get the implication that she "forgave her"- she tears up when Jiaying says "even if they do things wrong, their hearts are in the right place"
and mourns Jiaying when Malick kills her. Those actions don't imply forgiveness, though- Jiaying is STILL Daisy's bio mom, for better or worse, and if anything, Daisy is mourning the relationship she could have had with Jiaying.
mourning isn't forgiveness! It's human nature to feel an attachment to people, even bad people. which brings me to point the second: it's okay to be angry with your abusers but still have fond memories about them and even feel for them.
to sidetrack just SLIGHTLY: part of why I feel so validated by Snow as a character is the 709 hallway scene, where she tries to confront Sarge for his betrayal but is reduced to tears and growls. Because as a survivor of abuse, I identified with her in that moment.
it is PERFECTLY NORMAL to have mixed feelings about your abusers, it is perfectly normal to have fond feelings about them, whether those are legitimate or trauma bonding, it is okay and normal to recognize them as a part of your identity and who you are.
and that scene with Snow + how he clearly doted on her and she clearly admired him as a mentor in 601-608, helped me realize those feelings were normal. Because her face isn't just angry from betrayal, but mourning for her LAST SURVIVING FAMILY MEMBER hurting her deeply.
Abuse is complicated because HUMANS are complicated and feelings are complicated and sometimes those feelings don't always manifest themselves as anger or pure hatred. Sometimes they can be sadness or disappointment for the person you believed they could be.
so to bring this back together, in both Daisy and Snow's cases the parental/authority figure they thought they could have faith in and trust let them down and shattered them completely. they mourned that loss of trust differently, but it's the same idea:
there is no one "right" way to respond to abuse, and expressing sadness at losing a part of your life, for better or worse, does not imply forgiveness. Daisy cried when J said people don't always know they're doing the wrong thing because she mourned for who J could have been
and she mourned Jiaying's death because Jiaying had lost that chance to maybe be a better mother to Daisy. At no point did she ever imply she forgave Jiaying for her actions or accepted them. And there need to be more grey depictions of reacting to abuse in media.
so good for AoS for showing a whole multitude of ways, over 7 seasons, that regular people cope with and deal with all types of trauma. it's really a big part of why it's so special to so many people, and I'm glad it's been a part of my life (/end thread)
