Due to popular demand, I declare this a thread!
I dedicate it to my partner in crime @eponimood, and to @scuttlebuttles and the shy oyster anon! https://twitter.com/coochiteque/status/1288965227728580610
The Fisherman and the Oyster
A very sexy tale

KiriBaku, nsfw, crack, micro, extreme size diff, a lot of Oyster jizz
Kiri is a fisherman and Bakugou is an oyster
I'm not sure how top/bottom works when one person is around the size of a Barbie doll
Kirishima is eating his 18th oyster of the day and he’s having a blast! Harvesting wild oysters is his favorite summer activity, and in all the years he's been doing this, he’s never found so many at once!
Of course, people will tell him that you can’t eat oysters in the summer months, with that silly “no oysters in months without R” rule, but he doesn’t care. In his opinion, they’re the months when the oysters taste best, and no one can ever change his mind.
“Ewww, but it’s oyster jizz, Ei! You’re drinking oyster jizz!” his friends keep telling him with disgusted faces. As if they don’t eat eggs and roe all the time. So what if he likes his oysters with a little kick? It’s way better like this, and the oysters he's found...
...man, they’re the best he’s ever eaten! The milk’s taste is especially strong, salty and a little bitter, but it leaves a sweet taste in his mouth that makes him crave more.
It makes him crave dick too, but it’s no surprise. He’s gay, he’s eating mollusc cum as a snack, of course he wants to suck dick! What else is new?
He’s already decided to stop at 20 if he can have that much, so these precious horny bitches can make some more for the next year, but until then, he’s not gonna stop!
He takes some time to savor the delicious taste of his last victim, and lets out a long sigh of content. The Mediterranean sun is ruthless on his tanned skin, the air is hot around him, and it makes for a great contrast with the fresh, salty water he’s almost waist-deep in.
The taste starts to fade, and it’s time to see if he can find another treat before he goes home. He wades slowly in the water, careful not to slip or step on something sharp.
His mother keeps telling him to put on boots, but Kirishima refuses. It has to be fair to the oysters, otherwise it’s not manly! The little things already can’t defend themselves and-

Ah! Another one!
Kirishima smiles as he takes out his knife and crouches to detach it from the boulder it's stuck on. It puts up a good fight, but it’s no match for Kirishima’s years of practice and soon, he’s got it open and ready to consume.
“You did great, little fella. Thanks for the meal!” he whispers as he puts the now defenseless mollusc in his mouth. He lets out a delighted whine as the flavor hits him, and closes his eyes to better savor it.
“So good,” he sighs before drinking the sweet, sweet milk left behind in the shell.
He doesn’t think he’s ever walked this far from the beach, but as he gets back to work, he decides that he doesn’t care. The water is still shallow and he doesn’t have to worry about the tide anyway. He can look for at least another one. Just… another one.
And then he can head home. And maybe see if he can find someone in need of a blowjob on the way because wow, he really wants that too, now.
It’s then that he finds it. The biggest oyster he’s ever seen. Bigger than his foot. Carelessly sitting on a rock. Beautiful. Probably full of tasty, tasty milk. Waiting for him.

Kirishima is salivating.
Of course, he understands that an oyster this big probably shouldn’t be eaten. It’s a rarity, especially around here. But he wants it so bad, and it looks so tasty, and…
“No, I can’t. I shouldn’t,” he says, his throat clenching at the thought, small tears already forming at  the corner of his eyes. “You’re too beautiful to be eaten. What if you’re the reason all the oysters around here are so tasty?”
“The fuck you talking about, shithead?! Come and suck on me dammit!” the oyster says.

The oyster… WHAT?!
No, he must have imagined it. The oyster looks so appetizing that he's hallucinating that it wants to be eaten. Yeah, right.

"You're doing it or what?! I'm not opening without a fight."

Holy shit the oyster is talking!
Either this, or Kirishima is really, really deep in his oyster induced hallucination. Maybe one of the oysters was bad… Maybe this is all a dream…
Right, a dream. There's no way an oyster can be this sexy. Kirishima kind of wants to rub his dick on it, even if he knows that he'd only manage to grate it like a block of parmesan cheese. But the inside, though… the inside must be so soft and chill, plush and untouched…
Like the softest, most refreshing mouth… And the voice is definitely male too…

If he wasn't waist deep into cold water, Kirishima would definitely have a raging boner. Maybe it's for the best.
"Stop thinking and get the fuck to work, asshole! I'm not waiting all day, dammit! I didn't lure you here for nothing!"
Wow, oysters have such dirty mouths… Maybe this isn't a dream after all, because this isn't how Kirishima thought a talking oyster would speak.

"Wh- You lured me here?"
"Yeah, why do you think all those oysters tasted so good? It wasn't because of their criminal ass, that's for sure."

"What do you mean? Was it… was it your…" Kirishima stammers.

"That's right! It was my magical oyster jizz and you're gay now! So hurry up and open me!"
"But… but I don't wanna eat you! You've got the best milk I've ever tasted!"

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE NOT EATING ME!"
"I'll have to hurt you to open you, too," Kirishima continues. "See, I have this knife and I have to find the little opening you have near the back, and then I slip the blade in and cut the mus-"

"Ok, ok, fine!" the oyster yells.
It stays silent for a while, save for a few muttered curses.
"...I guess if you've managed to open so many of my subjects you're strong enough."

"Subjects? Isn't that cruel to feed them to the… me?"

"They're criminals, I told you! And of the worst kind, too!"

"...like what?" Kirishima asks, confused.
"Oh, trust me, human, you don't want to know," the oyster says with a somber tone.
Then, before Kirishima can say anything, the oyster opens up, revealing the smallest, sexiest person he's ever seen. His skin is as white as the pearls on the harness that is decorating his muscular torso torso, and his eyes are shining like pearls.
His hair is golden like those… golden pearls, and he's smirking, teeth as white as… ok there's clearly a theme here.
On top of his fluffy hair lies a pretty little crown, and Kirishima decides right here and there that he's in love with the oyster man.
He speaks again, leaning forward. Kirishima can't see his legs, and he wonders if he even has them. Is there a dick in there?

"I'm Katsuki Bakugou, King of the Oysters, and I've decided to make you my husband!"

"Uh… King? Wait, husband?! Me? Why?!"
"I've decided it would be you since that day I hit your ship while I was swimming."

"Oysters don't swim, dude," Kirishima blurts out, still trying to make sense of what's happening.
"I know, dipshit, you think you're gonna teach me how oysters work? But I'm not just any oyster! If clams can do it, so can I!" Bakugou claims proudly.

"That's so cool!" Kirishima says, then pauses. "Wait you're the little guy that hit my ship last month? I'm so glad you're ok!"
"Shut up! I was attacking you!"

"Yeah, you sure did a number on my boat! Almost had to take it to repair."

Bakugou's expression darkens. "Almost?" he growls.
"I mean, definitely!" Kirishima quickly corrects, unwilling to piss off this beautiful creature. "Anyway, you said something about making that tasty milk?"

"You don't need it anymore. It's too late now. You're gay, no take back."
"Sure, sure,"  says Kirishima, who was already very gay in kindergarten when he asked his male teacher to marry him. "But you know, maybe I should get more. To make sure. Wouldn't want me to be just half gay, right?"
Bakugou frowns, suspicious.

"Just a little?" Kirishima asks, hopeful. If he's lucky, puppy eyes work on magical oysters too.

Bakugou's frown slowly turns into a smirk, and he leans back in his shell as he says, "Come and get it, then."
Kirishima nods excitedly and bends down to delicately take Bakugou's shell, bringing it up to his face.

The water is clear, and Kirishima frowns.

"There's no milk."
"What, you thought it'd just be there? You gotta work for it, idiot."

"I have a name," Kirishima frowns. "I'm Eijirou Kirishima, and I'll make you scream it until it's all you remember."
The things he'd say for oyster jizz…

It seems to please Bakugou, at least.

But seriously, how is he supposed to do it? What was the point of making him want to suck dick if there's no dick to suck on?
That's right, it would make no sense! Maybe it's just hidden and it will come out with a little help?

Armed with this undeniable logic, Kirishima gets to work.
//we're back for some action!

CW: micro, come eating, sounding, fisting (?), f-full body...job?, vore
(Yes I kept adding kinks like I was playing bingo, no I'm not sorry)

I may have started taking myself too seriously at some point, but here we go!//
Holding the oyster shell in one hand, he slowly raises the other to touch Bakugou's body. His skin is unfairly soft under Kirishima's hesitant fingers, and Bakugou presses himself against them.
Emboldened, Kirishima lets his fingers slide under the harness to play with the oyster-man's tiny nipples, already hard under his fingertips, like Braille embossing.

Bakugou arches under the touch, whispering, "Rough."
Kirishima smiles. "Do you want something softer, little king?"

Bakugou's cheeks turn the cutest shade of red. "What do you offer?"
Shrugging, Kirishima raises the shell to his face and sticks out his tongue. Bakugou shivers.

"You could fucking eat me," he whispers in awe.

"I'm not going to eat you!" Kirishima exclaims, scandalized.
"Of course not, I'd kill you first," Bakugou huffs. He crosses his arms and looks away, muttering, "but you could fit all of me in your damn mouth."
Kirishima can't repress a smirk as he realizes how pink Bakugou's skin has turned, like those pretty pink pearls on his mom's favorite necklace. "Do you want me to?" he purrs.
Bakugou's head snaps back toward him, eyes wide and mouth agape. Then, he seems to regain countenance and says, "We'll see. Think you can earn it?"
"Oh, I'm sure I will," Kirishima smiles, confident. No one’s ever complained about his skills so far, and he's determined to show this pretty oyster how good he is.
"Get to work, then," Bakugou says, smirking, arms crossed. "And mind the shark teeth." He pauses, and whispers to himself, "you're so fucking hot I can't believe you're real."
Kirishima's smile grows fonder. "Likewise," he murmurs, and gets closer to have his first taste, slow enough for Bakugou to stop him if he’s having second thoughts.
He doesn't, and his skin is as soft and cool under Kirishima’s tongue as he's imagined. He licks a slow stripe up his stomach, and flicks the tip of his tongue under the pearl harness and over his nipples. Bakugou tastes salty and a little like raw fish, unsurprisingly.
Far from finding it off putting, it only makes Kirishima crave more. He can taste the slightest bit of that delicious milk from earlier, and he craves it more than ever as he starts licking with more enthusiasm.
Bakugou is writhing and gasping under the ministrations, and his hands are tugging on his upper lip insistently, until Kirishima bares his teeth for him.

"Fuck yeah, you're so fucking hot, so good for me," Bakugou whispers, rubbing his tiny hands all over Kirishima's sharp teeth
Kirishima can't repress a little moan at the praises, and Bakugou keeps encouraging him until he decides that he has enough and tries to push him lower.
Kirishima doesn't need more encouragement and lowers his mouth to the part where Bakugou's human waist stops and the oyster body begins.
He's disappointed to find a seamless transition, as he was still hoping that Bakugou's lower body was only hidden under the oyster part, but the feeling dies as soon as he hears Bakugou's moans get louder.
He licks the point of connexion slowly, happy to find how much cooler and softer—slimier, really—the oyster part feels under his lips. Bakugou pushes him even lower, tugging on his loose red hair, and Kirishima obliges, kissing and licking Bakugou's lower body enthusiastically-
until he feels the tiniest bump under his tongue, where Bakugou's human dick should be. Bakugou cries in pleasure, and Kirishima starts licking it with renewed vigor, unable to repress a chuckle at his little oyster's sounds.
Readjusting his grip on the shell, he holds it securely in one hand while he lowers the other to grip his own dick under his swimming trunks.

"Careful, ah, idiot. Gonna… gonna drop me."
"Never," Kirishima says between two licks.

"Hng, fuck, stop!" Bakugou cries. "I'll get you off when you're done."

"Gotta do better than that," Kirishima smirks, drunk with power and pleased to notice his hot breath seems to be doing things to the already overwhelmed little king
Kirishima is so hard already, and he knows he won't last if Bakugou doesn't stop being the hottest thing he’s ever done. Maybe the oyster king has a point, after all.
Maybe Kirishima should be patient and put safety over his own pleasure, especially if Bakugou makes good on his promise to get him off.

How would he do it? Would he rub himself against Kirishima dick? Put the tip in his mouth and plunge his tiny little tongue inside it?
Just the thought has Kirishima nearly dropping Bakugou and he knows he should stop playing with fire, but he's sure the little oyster would beg him so nicely…
"Come on," he whispers again, before flicking his tongue expertly over the slimy little nub, making Bakugou double over and try to pinch Kirishima's skin for support.
"Kirishima," Bakugou whimpers. "Fucking… please. I wanna play with your human cock so bad, it's all I've been dreaming of for weeks!"

Holy shit, if Kirishima hadn't stopped touching himself he would have come already.
Instead, he gives Bakugou's body a little suck that has the oyster moaning even louder. He takes this time to regain countenance and chuckles darkly, "As you wish, then."
Now that both his hands are back on Bakugou’s shell, Kirishima has even more freedom to play with the oyster man, and he uses it to his advantage, pressing the shell even closer, licking and sucking harder, his ears full of Bakugou's praises and moans until he comes-
with a loud cry, filling Kirishima's mouth with pure, unadulterated oyster jizz.

Kirishima moans as he drinks it, mouthful after mouthful, too blissed out by the amazing, addictive taste to wonder where Bakugou can store so much of it.
There's still a little bit coming out when Kirishima has to stop drinking to take a breath, and it spills on his naked chest, making him whine at the waste of his new favorite drink.

He drinks whatever's left in Bakugou's shell and lets out a sigh of content.
"Thanks for the meal," he smiles, feeling a new wave of arousal at the sight of Bakugou slumped in his shell, his whole body red and his chest heaving, his once scowling face now smoothed out with pure bliss, his usually intense red eyes unfocused.
Worried about his little king drying out, Kirishima gently scoops some sea water back in his shell and gently puts him back on the rock where he found him.
"So?" Kirishima asks, raising a smug eyebrow while Bakugou looks like he's still trying to catch his breath.

"Not bad for a first time," Bakugou pants.

"Riiiight," Kirishima sneers, seeing right through Bakugou's bluff.
Then, the oyster straightens up, shakes his head, and pats on the surface next to him as he says, "I guess you've deserved your reward. Come here and put me on your lap or something."
"Oh, is it my reward or yours? I remember you saying you've been dreaming about it…" Kirishima drawls.

"Shut up, I can find another dick whenever," Bakugou barks, blushing.
Deep down, Kirishima knows Bakugou is just saying it because he's embarrassed, but the mere idea of the oyster king letting anyone else touch him like this makes his stomach churn.
Or maybe it’s just the many oysters combined with all the milk he just drank…
Without a word, he pulls himself out of the water to sit down next to Bakugou, takes out his swimming trunks, and puts him gently on his lap, right in front of his already leaking cock.
"Fuck, it looks even better from up close," Bakugou whispers, seemingly mesmerized by the sight.

"You've seen a lot before?" Kirishima asks.

"Only from afar. There's this place where lots of humans swim naked," Bakugou says absentmindedly as he reaches out for Kirishima's dick.
Oh, right, the nudist beaches, Kirishima remembers.

The first contact with Bakugou's now warm hands has Kirishima gasp in surprise, and Bakugou's expression goes from awed to smug in less than a second. He bends forward to touch it more, wrapping both his arms around it.
The pearls on his chest tickle, and Kirishima's dick twitches in interest, startling Bakugou.

As soon as he realizes it means he did something good, Bakugou starts rubbing himself against Kirishima's dick with more confidence, using his whole body and dragging himself closer-
to deepen the contact.

Kirishima hisses a little when the sharp tip of his shell reaches the bottom of his dick, so he spreads his legs and starts supporting the shell to keep it vertical, hissing in pleasure when Bakugou's soft and slimy oyster bottom touches his balls.
Now that Bakugou is closer, he rubs him with renewed efforts, kissing and licking the shaft enthusiastically while his hands roam alongside it. It probably shouldn't feel as good as it does, but Kirishima's been waiting for so long and Bakugou is so hot that he feels himself-
on the verge of cumming already.

"So," he pants, hoping some small talk will help him last longer. "I thought oysters didn't have dicks."
"S'not a dick," Bakugou says, still focused on Kirishima's cock that, now that he thinks about it, is around his size. "It's still here when I have female lower parts."
Oysters can do that, right, Kirishima remembers, clinging to the fact so he doesn't come too fast.

"What do I need to be gay for, then?" Kirishima asks.

"S'just the lower parts," Bakugou slurs, now licking Kirishima's head. "Doesn't matter what's down there, m'always a guy."
"Ok," is all Kirishima can say as he raises the shell slowly, encouraging Bakugou to focus on the tip.

"That part's more sensitive, huh?" Bakugou smirks, rubbing his little hands all over it.

Kirishima nods, biting back a whine.
"Don't hold back, Eijirou," Bakugou says with a low, raspy voice. "I wanna hear you."

On this, he wraps his mouth around the very tip and plunges his tongue inside it, making Kirishima double over.

"Bakugou, ah," he cries.
Bakugou lets out a satisfied hum, his tongue still exploring the inside of the cock, and Kirishima swears he can feel him smirk.

"Just like that, Bakugou. Fuck, don't stop, it feels so good!"
Kirishima feels Bakugou going deeper and deeper, and when he straightens up, he realises that Bakugou's entire arm is now buried deep in his dick.

"Amazing," Bakugou whispers reverently.
Kirishima finds himself bucking, unable to tell if he wants to get away from the touch or for Bakugou to reach even deeper. The extra friction is almost too much, and when Bakugou says, "Are you coming? I bet you are. Come on, come for me, human," Kirishima can't take it anymore.
His dick erupts, overflowing around Bakugou's tiny fist and covering him with his cum.

Bakugou watches in awe, and slowly starts licking Kirishima's hot, sticky cum off his softening cock.
"So good," he whispers. "So fucking thick. Disgusting. I can't believe there's so damn much."

As if he didn't fill Kirishima's stomach with his own cum just a few minutes before…
Once Kirishima's dick is clean, Bakugou turns to his own body, scooping cum off it and licking it off his fingers like a cat cleaning its head.
Slowly, Kirishima reaches down to his stomach to catch some more, and presents his finger to Bakugou, who starts licking and biting it like there's no tomorrow, his gaze firmly planted in Kirishima's, who's falling a little more in love with every passing second.
Then, Bakugou stops abruptly, straightens up, and says with a pleased smirk, "Since you’ve made me all sticky, I guess you'll have to clean me up." Smiling, Kirishima reaches out again to catch more cum on his finger, but Bakugou stops him with a ridiculously muscular arm.
"Open up," he says.

The order shouldn't turn on Kirishima the way it does, but today’s been a day of many discoveries and Kirishima is too far into it to stop now. He picks Bakugou up once again and lifts him to his face.
Bakugou is leaning forward, perfectly unafraid, but Kirishima is having second thoughts. What if Bakugou can’t breathe? What if his sharp teeth accidentally hurt him?
When he voices his concerns, Bakugou simply huffs. “I can breathe just fine, don’t worry.” Then, he grabs Kirishima’s lower lip and pinches it twice, adding, “If I want you to stop, I’ll just pinch your tongue like that, ok?”
Kirishima nods, feeling a little better, and Bakugou tugs on his lips impatiently, trying to get closer. It’s funny, Kirishima thinks, how much control the little guy has over him when Kirishima is the one handling him.
He still caves in and opens his mouth again, letting his tongue drop out like a red carpet for his royal guest.
Bakugou looks excited already, red and panting, and Kirishima wonders if he can make him come a second time like this. If so, he’ll have to find a way not to waste a single drop of his cum this time.
But back to the present, Kirishima decides as he slowly licks Bakugou from his waist to the top of his head, tasting himself on the oyster man’s briny skin.
When Bakugou answers with a full body shiver, Kirishima closes his mouth around him, lowering him on his tongue and laving at him thoroughly. Bakugou asked to be cleaned, and Kirishima will make sure his job is done perfectly!
His precious oyster wraps his arms around Kirishima’s tongue, and it tickles a little, but he forces himself not to react. Instead, he snakes the tip of his tongue around Bakugou, as far as he can, to make him understand he wants to lick his back too.
Bakugou slowly releases his tongue, and Kirishima turns him around a little to get to work.

Bakugou still hasn’t signalled for Kirishima to let him go by the time he thinks he’s done, and he can hear muffled moans coming from the inside of his mouth, so he keeps going,
sucking on the tiny king softly with very encouraging results. Then, without a care about the mess he’s about to make, he opens his mouth, letting his spit fall on his chest as he reaches out for Bakugou’s oyster body with his tongue,
searching for the precious little nub that seems to make his oyster go wild.
As soon as he finds it, Bakugou starts writhing and bucking against him, muffled moans and cries of pleasure and encouragement reverberating in Kirishima’s mouth as the oyster king holds on his tongue like a lifeline.

“Fuck, Eijirou, I’m gonna…”
Bakugou’s whole body spasms when the first drops of cum are being released, and Kirishima lifts up his head to drink it, forgetting completely about the little man inside his mouth as he gulps down as much of it as he can.
The pinches come too soon for his liking, although not before he’s drunk almost every drop of cum he’s given.

When Bakugou gets out of his mouth, he looks just as blissed out as before, shining with spit.
His little crown is somehow still on top of his head, but his fluffy hair is now down and he looks so beautiful that Kirishima is getting hard again, ready to come on Bakugou once more, and clean him up again until he comes, trapping them in an unending circle of lust.
Shit, Kirishima could spend the rest of his life like this, sitting on this rock and drinking oyster cum at every meal.
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