Read on Twitter
In July of 2018 I got into some kind of relationship with a very toxic, abusive, manipulative person and I'm no longer afraid to say his name. He ruined my self esteem, he ruined friendships, and he tried to ruin my marriage and now, over a year after I cut him out, I'm ready.
Let me preface this by saying I come from a background of abuse - physical, sexual, and emotional. My life was steeped in it before my husband. So talking about this in a public forum, even if not a lot of people will see it, is a big step in completing my own healing process.
Slade tricked me. Like most people who thrive on manipulation he had come across as a gentle, nurturing soul that I wanted to get to know. But I should have seen the moment he told me he didn't want our mutuals to know we were spending so much time together.
I should have seen his desire to control me. When our relationship became sexual he insisted we keep it "private", and because I'm a people pleaser, because I'm a submissive personality, I agreed. And from there it degraded into a roller coaster of...
"If you cared about me you'd do this."
"Do you actually want me?"
"Don't try to make me the bad guy."
"You're paranoid."
"You are over reacting."
"You never put in effort."
"They don't care for you like I do."
"I can't believe you'd think that about me."
"Do you actually want me?"
"Don't try to make me the bad guy."
"You're paranoid."
"You are over reacting."
"You never put in effort."
"They don't care for you like I do."
"I can't believe you'd think that about me."
He ripped me away from people I loved and convinced them of lies about me. He purposefully, maliciously, and systemically isolated me from my support group so that I would only have him as a "true friend". He promised me things to make me stay when I tried to walk away.
It's been over a year since I removed him from my life. So why am I talking about this now?
Because the trauma of abuse doesn't just go away with time. It stays with you even after you've healed leaving the taint of doubt and fear on every interaction thereafter.
Because the trauma of abuse doesn't just go away with time. It stays with you even after you've healed leaving the taint of doubt and fear on every interaction thereafter.
I stepped away from so many things I loved because of him - away from communities I held dear, gaming, twitch, even D&D and writing - just so I could find the space I needed to heal. And then I found out recently he's done this to other women so now. Now I'm talking.
To anyone out there who is his victim, I'm so sorry you went through that. I empathize on so many levels and my DMs are open to you. But he doesn't deserve anonymity and he's not someone to fear anymore, not for me.
Slade used me. I was his punching bag, his consolation prize, his sexual stress ball. He never once treated me with the respect I deserve when it mattered. He saw me as something to possess and anything that got in the way was a target and I allowed him to get away with it.
Today I'm stronger than I ever was. Today I make content I'm proud of, play games that give me joy, and work to embrace who I am rather than who I can be for others. I'm happier now than I ever was - and that has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own strength.
