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In July of 2018 I got into some kind of relationship with a very toxic, abusive, manipulative person and I& #39;m no longer afraid to say his name. He ruined my self esteem, he ruined friendships, and he tried to ruin my marriage and now, over a year after I cut him out, I& #39;m ready.
Let me preface this by saying I come from a background of abuse - physical, sexual, and emotional. My life was steeped in it before my husband. So talking about this in a public forum, even if not a lot of people will see it, is a big step in completing my own healing process.
Slade tricked me. Like most people who thrive on manipulation he had come across as a gentle, nurturing soul that I wanted to get to know. But I should have seen the moment he told me he didn& #39;t want our mutuals to know we were spending so much time together.
I should have seen his desire to control me. When our relationship became sexual he insisted we keep it "private", and because I& #39;m a people pleaser, because I& #39;m a submissive personality, I agreed. And from there it degraded into a roller coaster of...
"If you cared about me you& #39;d do this."
"Do you actually want me?"
"Don& #39;t try to make me the bad guy."
"You& #39;re paranoid."
"You are over reacting."
"You never put in effort."
"They don& #39;t care for you like I do."
"I can& #39;t believe you& #39;d think that about me."
"Do you actually want me?"
"Don& #39;t try to make me the bad guy."
"You& #39;re paranoid."
"You are over reacting."
"You never put in effort."
"They don& #39;t care for you like I do."
"I can& #39;t believe you& #39;d think that about me."
He ripped me away from people I loved and convinced them of lies about me. He purposefully, maliciously, and systemically isolated me from my support group so that I would only have him as a "true friend". He promised me things to make me stay when I tried to walk away.
It& #39;s been over a year since I removed him from my life. So why am I talking about this now?
Because the trauma of abuse doesn& #39;t just go away with time. It stays with you even after you& #39;ve healed leaving the taint of doubt and fear on every interaction thereafter.
Because the trauma of abuse doesn& #39;t just go away with time. It stays with you even after you& #39;ve healed leaving the taint of doubt and fear on every interaction thereafter.
I stepped away from so many things I loved because of him - away from communities I held dear, gaming, twitch, even D&D and writing - just so I could find the space I needed to heal. And then I found out recently he& #39;s done this to other women so now. Now I& #39;m talking.
To anyone out there who is his victim, I& #39;m so sorry you went through that. I empathize on so many levels and my DMs are open to you. But he doesn& #39;t deserve anonymity and he& #39;s not someone to fear anymore, not for me.
Slade used me. I was his punching bag, his consolation prize, his sexual stress ball. He never once treated me with the respect I deserve when it mattered. He saw me as something to possess and anything that got in the way was a target and I allowed him to get away with it.
