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Having recently been involved in yet another case where the reaction on here to an incident has had a negative impact on the mental health of an individual, this something I wrote a while back:
Having recently been involved in yet another case where the reaction on here to an incident has had a negative impact on the mental health of an individual, this something I wrote a while back:
About ten days ago, I took a call from a woman crying so much she could barely speak. She gave me her name & while she was composing herself, I googled her & found her social media accounts. She’s beautiful, has a handsome husband, an extremely cute toddler and a lovely home.
The perfect life, some may think. None of that was the slightest consolation to her after she’d received sustained abuse at a football match. When she got home, she checked her private messages to find that some of these people had sent her personal messages
calling her unspeakable names and wishing harm on her child.
A couple of days later I took another call from a man who was calling on behalf of a friend who’d very recently been convicted of a football related offence which had made the headlines, locally.
A couple of days later I took another call from a man who was calling on behalf of a friend who’d very recently been convicted of a football related offence which had made the headlines, locally.
He wanted to know what to do, as his friend was getting so much abuse on social media, both openly and via personal messages, he was refusing to leave his home.
Yesterday, a mother rang me. Her son had been banned by his club and despite his best efforts to keep that private, the news had found its way onto social media and he too was bearing the brunt of vile comments. She also wanted to know what to do
That mother is far from the first to ring me. I’ll never forget the woman who rang me in absolute bits because her son (a young teenager) had very stupidly sent a player an abusive private message.
The player took a screen shot of that message and put it on his own social media account. The inevitable ‘pile on’ left her child a complete wreck, unable to attend school the next day.
These are just some examples of what I have to try & deal with in this context. After each case I’ve tried to word a tweet but never actually posted anything, thinking who is going to take any notice & is my saying anything going to make any real, substantial difference
So why now? Because a tv presenter took her own life, perhaps in part because of the scrutiny she came under on social media? Yes, partly. But also because I’ve taken one call too many about the effects of abuse on social media and in real life not to now say something.
I get that it’s easy to think “that footballer is driving home in a flash car to his mansion and gorgeous wife, he won’t care if I call him a few choice names” or “that pundit won’t care if I trash them, they’ve got a great job” or “that fan caught looking stupid won’t even see
my abusive comments about him”. But the opposite is true. There is nothing in life that makes you immune from having vey real feelings. And sometimes people find it exceptionally hard to cope with overwhelming negativity.
The phrase Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Never Hurt me was coined long before it was properly understood that mental health and well being is every bit as important as physical health.
But we know now that words do hurt, cause very real harm and in extreme cases can have quite literally lethal consequences.
There is a lot of talk among the authorities and clubs about the need to “do something” about the increasingly vitriolic and too often discriminatory abuse in the game. Players are increasingly talking about it too.
But it’s us fans that need to be having that conversation too. It’s us as fans with whom the responsibility lies. I don’t believe you can prosecute and ban away the problem. It’s not worked to date – if anything the abuse within the game is getting worse.
We need thoughtful conversations; we need to start looking inwardly at the ‘abuse culture’ and what perpetuates and encourages that. We don’t need to dilute the rivalry but we absolutely need to dilute the abuse
– and understand that words that can and do cause so much harm to all of us within the game. We also need to talk about the “pile on” culture on social media.
Most of all we need to think before we take to the terraces or Twitter or Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat & spout personal abuse or discriminatory comments. Perhaps a simple rule of thumb should be “what would my reaction be if somebody said that to me or one of my loved ones”
and if you wouldn’t like it don’t say it. Unfortunately, life isn’t that simple but what isn’t difficult to understand is the very real harm abusive language can have on us all.
