I wish people understood that when a disabled person says they *cannot* do something, it's not because they haven't problem solved how to do said thing, and it's not because they don't *want* to do said thing.

We mean we *literally* *can* *not* *do* *the* *thing*

Any *idea* or *work around* you offer, I can promise you that 98% of the time, we've considered it or we've tried it and we still failed to complete it. Or we did it but could continue doing it because it ended up being too much.

It's like offering unsolicited health advice.

Now, if you're disabled and have similar issues as the person having the problem, I don't find it offensive when you say:

"man, that sucks so bad. I'm sorry. I'm dealing with something similar. This is what helped me ________________. Maybe it could help you but maybe not!"

I get it. People want to fix things. People want the problem to go away and they want to help. I totally understand that.

But sometimes, you can't fix it, and all you can do is sit in the emotions with us, and offer empathy instead. That's so so helpful and needed.

Also

In my experience, the following nearly always happens:

me: "I can't do ______ thing"

non-disabled: "let me know if I can help!"

me: "can you help me with thing"

nd: *long sigh* "I guess" or "maybe later"

So then I think beggars can't be choosers or why even ask at all?

My sweet friend @JessicaXDiamond talks about this feeling too. It's dehumanizing. It's shaming. I wish people wouldn't even offer sometimes because it feels like they do it to make *themselves* feel better like "well, did what I could. I offered."
https://twitter.com/JessicaXDiamond/status/1288227049547718661?s=19

I thought when I added "because it ended up being too much" that I was communicating that sometimes we won't do the thing because the recovery afterwards isn't worth the task.

A few people have gotten pissy with me about that foggy distinction, but this is just as valid.

To me it's the exact same boundary: if I know the task will hurt me for days or weeks on end, I can't do it and I won't do it

(Although sometimes I struggle to find that line with myself all the same, because I push my body too hard and I'm a people pleaser)

It's okay to say no

I'm going to drop this here because sadly, the two topics are related. Some of the comments will show you why I think that. But also, no pressure intended, if you are able to help or share the links at the bottom of the thread, I would be very grateful. https://twitter.com/ZenMeoww/status/1287969185767788544?s=19