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I wish people understood that when a disabled person says they *cannot* do something, it& #39;s not because they haven& #39;t problem solved how to do said thing, and it& #39;s not because they don& #39;t *want* to do said thing.
We mean we *literally* *can* *not* *do* *the* *thing*
We mean we *literally* *can* *not* *do* *the* *thing*
Any *idea* or *work around* you offer, I can promise you that 98% of the time, we& #39;ve considered it or we& #39;ve tried it and we still failed to complete it. Or we did it but could continue doing it because it ended up being too much.
It& #39;s like offering unsolicited health advice.
It& #39;s like offering unsolicited health advice.
Now, if you& #39;re disabled and have similar issues as the person having the problem, I don& #39;t find it offensive when you say:
"man, that sucks so bad. I& #39;m sorry. I& #39;m dealing with something similar. This is what helped me ________________. Maybe it could help you but maybe not!"
"man, that sucks so bad. I& #39;m sorry. I& #39;m dealing with something similar. This is what helped me ________________. Maybe it could help you but maybe not!"
I get it. People want to fix things. People want the problem to go away and they want to help. I totally understand that.
But sometimes, you can& #39;t fix it, and all you can do is sit in the emotions with us, and offer empathy instead. That& #39;s so so helpful and needed.
But sometimes, you can& #39;t fix it, and all you can do is sit in the emotions with us, and offer empathy instead. That& #39;s so so helpful and needed.
Also
In my experience, the following nearly always happens:
me: "I can& #39;t do ______ thing"
non-disabled: "let me know if I can help!"
me: "can you help me with thing"
nd: *long sigh* "I guess" or "maybe later"
So then I think beggars can& #39;t be choosers or why even ask at all?
In my experience, the following nearly always happens:
me: "I can& #39;t do ______ thing"
non-disabled: "let me know if I can help!"
me: "can you help me with thing"
nd: *long sigh* "I guess" or "maybe later"
So then I think beggars can& #39;t be choosers or why even ask at all?
My sweet friend @JessicaXDiamond talks about this feeling too. It& #39;s dehumanizing. It& #39;s shaming. I wish people wouldn& #39;t even offer sometimes because it feels like they do it to make *themselves* feel better like "well, did what I could. I offered."
https://twitter.com/JessicaXDiamond/status/1288227049547718661?s=19">https://twitter.com/JessicaXD...
https://twitter.com/JessicaXDiamond/status/1288227049547718661?s=19">https://twitter.com/JessicaXD...
I thought when I added "because it ended up being too much" that I was communicating that sometimes we won& #39;t do the thing because the recovery afterwards isn& #39;t worth the task.
A few people have gotten pissy with me about that foggy distinction, but this is just as valid.
A few people have gotten pissy with me about that foggy distinction, but this is just as valid.
To me it& #39;s the exact same boundary: if I know the task will hurt me for days or weeks on end, I can& #39;t do it and I won& #39;t do it
(Although sometimes I struggle to find that line with myself all the same, because I push my body too hard and I& #39;m a people pleaser)
It& #39;s okay to say no
(Although sometimes I struggle to find that line with myself all the same, because I push my body too hard and I& #39;m a people pleaser)
It& #39;s okay to say no
I& #39;m going to drop this here because sadly, the two topics are related. Some of the comments will show you why I think that. But also, no pressure intended, if you are able to help or share the links at the bottom of the thread, I would be very grateful. https://twitter.com/ZenMeoww/status/1287969185767788544?s=19">https://twitter.com/ZenMeoww/...
