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I’m actually worried about how cold I’m becoming romantically and how seemingly easy it’s become for me to move on/get over people I loved the moment I see it’s not going to happen. almost like “did you truly love that person”, the answer is yes, but self preservation is now 100%
i feel like I have to protect myself now (romantically) all the time, I don’t know how I got here & I’m not particularly proud of it,I don’t hold back when I do love someone but the way I close up shop when I get all reasonable/logical &convince myself why and how it won’t work
I don’t want to be that cold/emotionally unavailable person whose heart/love is unattainable . *sigh 
. *sigh
I want to be the person that loves regardless, the person that gets hurt and moves on and gets excited about romance. How do I become that person. The deepest love I feel right now is for myself ,family and my friends (I’d die and kill for these people),
I guess you hurt for too long and then you realize pain isn’t worth it and then trying to run from pain keeps you from enjoying love. Know how they say the same door that keeps pain out keeps love out. Thankfully I don’t get lonely (just horny lmfao) so truth is, I’d be ok
I always say “ you can’t miss something you’re not used, you can’t miss something you never really had” and that’s me with romantic intimacy
But do I enjoy not being in pain all the time? AbsoFUCKINGlutely !! Love it. That nothing hurts so much anymore and I’m still my sweet graceful happy person (even if it means I’d always be guarded and cold emotionally in some ways).
Finally,
