#TK: random conversations between two dorky roommates who are, lowkey hardboring MASSIVE crushes on each other but are convinced their romantic feelings are just really strong best-bro vibes so they dance around each other with anime reruns and dumb puns

tae: what's going on buddy, that's the 6th piece of pizza i'm seeing u eat

jk, reaching out for the 7th slice of pizza w sticky hands: just tryna see how many slices i can power thru before my stomach lining tears through

tae:..i know i should be worried but im morbidly curious

jk, hunting around the apartment at 4 am:

tae, sauntering in, rubbing at his eyes: guk..its like 4 am. can u tone it down?

jk: sry but have u seen my pajamas?

tae: its on ur legs.. pls come back to bed

jimin: so.

tae: so?

jimin: guks chewing on a piece of ur hair

tae: its nourishing.

jimin: ....

tae: he also lost a bet.

jimin: so.??? you made him eat ?? your? hair??

tae, shrugging: i didnt have many options available

omg just gna keep adding here as my crackhead levels rise up at 5 am

goodnight for now

namjoon: .... hey?

jk and tae who were balancing chopsticks on their noses but got quickly bored so they're poking it in their nostrils instead:

hoseok who's been recording them for the past 25 minutes: hey, grab a beer

tae: can you grab my butt???

jk, no hesitation, very enthusiastically squeezes the flesh: what's up

tae: idk it's been so long since it's been grabbed. how did it feel?

jk: still felt like a marshmallow, you're good. top notch butt. 10/10 would grab and squeeze

tae:

jin: are they aware that they're practically dating

yoongi: dating??? that level of disgusting can only be achieved by married couples

jk, indignant as fuck: So y'all DON'T kiss your buddies after a good karoke routine???

tae, equally indignant: YOU TELL EM GUK

jk: hey ignore the wine cooler in the fridge, i just wanted to give Lizzie a new home

tae: Lizzie??

jk: yeah our new pet lizard that came out from the crack next to the toilet bowl

tae: oh that's coo— DID YOU JUST USE OUR WINE COOLER

jk, yelping: would it help if I said no?

kook and tae wrapped cozily around each other near the window, there's a small fire that they haphazardly built out of old lab reports that could eventually lead to their demise if the curtain or the rug or the walls catches the fire:

jk, tilting his chin down: merry christmas

jungkook opens the door to see taehyung crying

jk: what's wrong who hurt you who do I have to BEAT UP

tae, sniffling: it's just... It's just.. haikyuu ended —wails louder—

jk, also tearing up now: oh god I was not mentally prepared for what you were going to say

this thread gives me so much fucking stress relief I wish I could make comics out of this (tbh, I can but no time )

pt.1

jk, pondering: how do u think sex would feel

tae: amazing ofc, shouldn't u know? ur no virgin

jk: nah it's been a while.

tae, frowning, seemingly deep in thought: been a while for me too

jk: well am single for anyone who'd wanna bone

tae: omg im single too, thas crazy

jk: so what do we do

tae: ?? maybe, actually go have sex

jk, sighing: yeah but like how—

yoongi who'd been observing this whole conversation with bated breath, throws his newspaper on the table: Fucks SAKE JUST BONE EACH OTHER

tae n jk: oJo pikachu meme

tae n jk holding hands: :D

Jimin, smiling softly: they're so in love

namjoon ALSO smiling softly: part of me doesn't wanna break it to them cos they're so happy

yoongi, yelling: HEY DOOFUSES YOURE IN LOVE YOU FUCKING MORONS

tae: omg Guk do u wanna go grab a slushie with me

Guk: Hell yes!! you read my mind

tae n Guk, still holding hands but now skipping happily: :D

yoongi, turning towards minimoni with his eyebrows raised: even if you sock them across the their face they wouldn't fucking realise .....

guk: hey tae, can I talk to you about smth serious?

tae, getting visibly nervous: what is it?

jk: do you think if I have a boil on my right butt cheek but I sit on my left butt cheek the whole day, would I cramp like both buttcheeks or one

tae, visibly relieved: both? I think?

tae: Jimin ...

jimin: ? What

tae: i think i kinda ..You know?

jimin, raising his eyebrows, vibrating at the thought of tae FINALLY fucking realising: yes?

tae: i kinda farted..can you smell it? Worried cos the student guide's gonna be here any minute

jimin, deflating; no.

aaaa feeling alive as i write this dumb as fuck, not at all serious thread. Does anyone ever think Guk n tae will realise

tae, throwing on the first shirt he finds and guk just barging in and stopping:

jk: is that /my/ shirt?

tae getting lil red by jk's heated glance: uhm.. yes?

jk taking two large strides and reaching tae: ...

tae: what

jk: GIVE IT BACK TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IT HAS GOKU ON IT

hobi, tae n jk dancing the macarena:

jimin, laughing all over the floor with phone out:

hobi slowly slips away as the song changes and sits next to a quietened down jimin: do u think they'll realise

taekook who are now slow dancing:

jimin, sighing wistfully: probably not

should call this stupid thread "how long until the hyungs lose their patience and smush the two idiots face together"

tae: hey gukker!!! what's up!!! How are You!!!!

jk, v confused: ? am good and all but what's with this chipper attitude

tae: I HAD! like! EIGHT! redbulls! WHATS UP!

Guk, shaking his head n turning away: go pee

tae, already 1 foot in the bathroom: I hate that u know me so well

taehyung and jeongguk cuddle and sleep, it's not very often that they /aren't/ by each other's side. jeongguk presses his face into the back of taehyung's neck and taehyung clutches jeongguk's clasped palm, holds it close to his heart.

yes, this is how bros sleep. Platonic bros

tae & guk making pizza together from scratch and fucking basically everything up and jeongguk stress-eating the cheese ("guk, that was for ON TOP of the pizza") and them successfully missing the oven beep and letting it burn to a crisp.

"should i get the takeout menu?" guk asks.

hobi: hey tae, can i talk to you?

tae, munching on the straw as he scrolls thru photos of guk: sup hyung

hobi: ok so bear with me.

tae: ?

hob: r u sure ur not in LOVE with jeongguk?

tae, giggling at a pic of guk with pigtails: im sorry hyung, what?

hobi: yk what, nevermind.

the hyungs try pt.2 GUK VERS.

jimin, playing abysmally: i hate playing

jk, laughing as he beats jimins ass for the umpteenth time: god i wish tae was here

jimin: ..hey guk? quick question but are u aware ur in love with taehyung

jk, scratching his head: duh? he's my best bro

yoongi, yawning: why the fuck am i here

jimin: this is a core council meeting. we're tryna get the idiots together

namjoo, sighing: they're helpless, why bother?

hobi: like ive watched them kiss and they think its platonic

seokjin: is it even possible for two people to be

THIS fucking oblivious

jimi chooz: look guys, it's killing me

yoongi, stretching: look jimin, why are you disrupting something thats beautiful? theyre happy, in love n living together all without the labels. why push ur agenda forward

jimin, hesitating: look..i think tae knows

like to a certain degree. he's aware of it.

namjoon: and....? cos yoongi hyung's right, you know? they seem blissfully happy left alone like this.

seokjin, fond: pair of himbos

jimin: the only thing stopping tae from confessing is that he isnt sure guks into him

hobi, gaping:

ur kidding right. that boy's SMITTEN

jimin: yeah well, the fool doesn't exactly display his emotions so openly

seokjin: ok so what do u propose we do

yoongi: we should stop this. leave them alone & get pizza.

jimin: ..anyway, i have a plan.

they all huddle closer, listening.

taehyung's holding jeongguk's pinky finger in his and it's supposed to be nothing out of the ordinary but he turns his head and catches sight of the other talking about a nuclear war and how they'd have to make weapons out of fruit.

"you're stupid," he says but it's fond.

jk, barging in & pausing: hey?

tae, mid applying makeup: sup

jk: .

tae: what?

jk: you've got all your—here, let me do it for you

he reaches forward & takes the eyeliner from tae's hands & applies it with careful precision, completely missing the flush on the other's cheeks

contd.

jk: where r u heading off to, anyway? you look beautiful

he looks up, catches tae's eyes before the latter averts them quickly

tae, biting his lip: a date actually

jk: ???????? DATE ?????????

tae, indignant: WHAT, im perfectly capable of finding a date ok

jk: huh.

jk, dialling up hobi: do u think people kiss on dates

hobi, yawning: it's 4 am

jk: yeah but like do people like smooch? or peck? or make out? or like jump right into sex?

hobi, clearly uninterested: I don't know? bother someone else

jk, already hanging up and dialling jimin

jimin: what do you want you pesky mongrel, i was about to send joon a picture of my booty

jk, already hanging up and dialling yoongi: don't contact me for 5-6 business days

jk, very much worked up and on a quest now: yoongi hyung don't hang up please this is a crisis

yoongi, annoyed but harbouring a soft spot for jk: what is it, baby? are you ok?

jk, staring at the ceiling, feeling confused: do people kiss on dates

yoongi, gently: I know I would

jeongguk knows taehyung came home like a good little christian boy before it was 12 so he clearly DIDN'T have sex — unless, he had a super quick, ultra passionate romp in the sack quickie?

oh god, was guk having a panic attack? WHAT is this feeling?

he only knows one solution.

Did I just add plot to my crackhead tales

jeongguk n tae sleep together on tae's bed almost everyday but jeongguk didn't think there was really a point today considering he expected tae to come home late from his date OR bring his date along and continue doing naughty shenanigans...why did guk feel like punching a wall?

jk, banging taes door even though it was the asscrack of dawn & people should definitely not be up at this inhumane hour unless they were insomniacs or very drunk teenagers: tae! open UP

there's a scuffle at the other end before tae wrenches his door open, rubbing his eyes: guk?

jk, feeling very vulnerable & in need of his constant tae-vitamin boost: can I come in? feeling very cuddlebug atm

tae, smiling sleepily, already sauntering back to bed: cmere human doggo

and when jk wraps his arms around the other, breathing the familiar scent, he's at ease.

yoongi, watching tae and jk throw gummy bears at lil kids in the park: jimin your plan sucks

jimin, rolling his eyes: i didnt hear any bright ideas from YOUR side

joon, resting his head on the table: guk got a little jealous tho so half-win?

hobi, sighing: should we get them,

i can see some VERY angry parents

seokjin, slurping: lowkey want them to get beat up by middle-aged moms

yoongi: punishment for all the shit they put us through

tae n jk yelping but laughing loudly as a soccer mom chases after them with her mighty big handbag

bts: endeared

who do u think would confess first

tae: do u think we could be Ghost Busters in another life

guk, unhesitatingly: hell yeah. pretty sure if multiverse IS a thing, we already ARE ghost busters

tae: do u think we'd be together??

guk: tae, we'd be together no matter which life we're in :)

tae, heart thumping: oh

jimin, batting his eyelashes, twirling a tendril of his hair: hey joonie~~~~

joon, oblivious lil fool: what's up brother

kook, turning towards tae: man imagine being THAT oblivious

tae, chuckling, observing jimin being a gay mess: could NEVER be us

jk, one night before midterms: tae I think I'm going to fail

tae, looking equally haggard & stressed: hey cookie boy, don't say that. if u fail, I fail. we're basically soul-connected

jk, tearing up: oh my god, I can't let You fail. (starts studying again with renewed fervour)

guk working out and tae observing him whilst munching on a packet of cheese rings. every time, guk finishes a set, tae will take 1 cheesed dusted finger with a ring attached to it & feed it to guk.

guk's mouth wraps around tae's finger as he sucks.

jin: this is straightup porn

jk, opening the door and met with a VERY familiar sight: oh..HELL NO

tae, turning, mid-makeup: ??

jk: you're NOT going on a date when its terrible tuna tuesday

tae, smiling: im not going anywhere

jk: whats all this for then [gesturing]

tae: for u. do i look good

jk: blushes

contd.

tae, twirling around: you should get dressed up too!!

guk, who'd been observing him with his eyes glued to taes face for the past 5 mins: uh?? why me??

tae: why not!! we'll go out, make a date out of it

jk: ..d-date?

tae, looking at him, bashful: yeah? why not

jk: [glitching] you want? Date? Me?

tae: yes. It's just us, right?

jk: [still glitching] and date? Us? You looking like that? Date?

tae, a little worried now: yes....?

jk, very shook by the turn of events: i think I have diarrhea

tae: ???? is this your way of saying no?

Jk: date— I mean yes, wait, I mean— no. Fuck

tae, staring at him, super duper confused: so...yes?

jk, turning red and thinking about all the anime pickup lines he knows: throwing a Pikachu ball at u because ur a catch

tae: . Go get ready u ingrown toe nail

jungkook and taehyung walking on the streets of seoul. it's awkward but not in the way you'd think, tae reaches out to intertwine their pinkies and jk blushes a little feeling the warmth of the other's fingetips.

"you wanna go to the arcade?" tae asks, voice soft.

[heartbeat]

it's them but there's also something different in the air. something inexplicable. something soft and warm and wrapped up with honeyed voices & tingling electricity between their arms brushing against each other.

and when jungkook goes back to his room that night, he's confused.