Thread by @v_niverse, #TK: random conversations between two dorky roommates who are, lowkey hardboring MASSIVE [...]

#TK: random conversations between two dorky roommates who are, lowkey hardboring MASSIVE crushes on each other but are convinced their romantic feelings are just really strong best-bro vibes so they dance around each other with anime reruns and dumb puns

tae: what& #39;s going on buddy, that& #39;s the 6th piece of pizza i& #39;m seeing u eat

jk, reaching out for the 7th slice of pizza w sticky hands: just tryna see how many slices i can power thru before my stomach lining tears through

tae:..i know i should be worried but im morbidly curious

jk, hunting around the apartment at 4 am:

tae, sauntering in, rubbing at his eyes: guk..its like 4 am. can u tone it down?

jk: sry but have u seen my pajamas?

tae: its on ur legs.. pls come back to bed

jimin: so.

tae: so?

jimin: guks chewing on a piece of ur hair

tae: its nourishing.

jimin: ....

tae: he also lost a bet.

jimin: so.??? you made him eat ?? your? hair??

tae, shrugging: i didnt have many options available

omg just gna keep adding here as my crackhead levels rise up at 5 am

goodnight for now

namjoon: .... hey?

jk and tae who were balancing chopsticks on their noses but got quickly bored so they& #39;re poking it in their nostrils instead:

hoseok who& #39;s been recording them for the past 25 minutes: hey, grab a beer

tae: can you grab my butt???

jk, no hesitation, very enthusiastically squeezes the flesh: what& #39;s up

tae: idk it& #39;s been so long since it& #39;s been grabbed. how did it feel?

jk: still felt like a marshmallow, you& #39;re good. top notch butt. 10/10 would grab and squeeze

tae:

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts">

jin: are they aware that they& #39;re practically dating

yoongi: dating??? that level of disgusting can only be achieved by married couples

jk, indignant as fuck: So y& #39;all DON& #39;T kiss your buddies after a good karoke routine???

tae, equally indignant: YOU TELL EM GUK

jk: hey ignore the wine cooler in the fridge, i just wanted to give Lizzie a new home

tae: Lizzie??

jk: yeah our new pet lizard that came out from the crack next to the toilet bowl

tae: oh that& #39;s coo— DID YOU JUST USE OUR WINE COOLER

jk, yelping: would it help if I said no?

kook and tae wrapped cozily around each other near the window, there& #39;s a small fire that they haphazardly built out of old lab reports that could eventually lead to their demise if the curtain or the rug or the walls catches the fire:

jk, tilting his chin down: merry christmas

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts">

jungkook opens the door to see taehyung crying

jk: what& #39;s wrong

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😟" title="Besorgtes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Besorgtes Gesicht"> who hurt you

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht"> who do I have to BEAT UP

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Symbolen über dem Mund">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😒" title="Unerfreutes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Unerfreutes Gesicht">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😡" title="Schmollendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Schmollendes Gesicht">

tae, sniffling: it& #39;s just... It& #39;s just.. haikyuu ended —wails louder—

jk, also tearing up now: oh god I was not mentally prepared for what you were going to say

this thread gives me so much fucking stress relief I wish I could make comics out of this (tbh, I can but no time

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">)

pt.1

jk, pondering: how do u think sex would feel

tae: amazing ofc, shouldn& #39;t u know? ur no virgin

jk: nah it& #39;s been a while.

tae, frowning, seemingly deep in thought: been a while for me too

jk: well am single for anyone who& #39;d wanna bone

tae: omg im single too, thas crazy

jk: so what do we do

tae: ?? maybe, actually go have sex

jk, sighing: yeah but like how—

yoongi who& #39;d been observing this whole conversation with bated breath, throws his newspaper on the table: Fucks SAKE JUST BONE EACH OTHER

tae n jk: oJo pikachu meme

tae n jk holding hands: :D

Jimin, smiling softly: they& #39;re so in love

namjoon ALSO smiling softly: part of me doesn& #39;t wanna break it to them cos they& #39;re so happy

yoongi, yelling: HEY DOOFUSES YOURE IN LOVE YOU FUCKING MORONS

tae: omg Guk do u wanna go grab a slushie with me

Guk: Hell yes!! you read my mind

tae n Guk, still holding hands but now skipping happily: :D

yoongi, turning towards minimoni with his eyebrows raised: even if you sock them across the their face they wouldn& #39;t fucking realise .....

guk: hey tae, can I talk to you about smth serious?

tae, getting visibly nervous: what is it?

jk: do you think if I have a boil on my right butt cheek but I sit on my left butt cheek the whole day, would I cramp like both buttcheeks or one

tae, visibly relieved: both? I think?

tae: Jimin ...

jimin: ? What

tae: i think i kinda ..You know?

jimin, raising his eyebrows, vibrating at the thought of tae FINALLY fucking realising: yes?

tae: i kinda farted..can you smell it? Worried cos the student guide& #39;s gonna be here any minute

jimin, deflating; no.

aaaa feeling alive as i write this dumb as fuck, not at all serious thread. Does anyone ever think Guk n tae will realise

tae, throwing on the first shirt he finds and guk just barging in and stopping:

jk: is that /my/ shirt?

tae getting lil red by jk& #39;s heated glance: uhm.. yes?

jk taking two large strides and reaching tae: ...

tae: what

jk: GIVE IT BACK TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IT HAS GOKU ON IT

hobi, tae n jk dancing the macarena:

jimin, laughing all over the floor with phone out:

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">

hobi slowly slips away as the song changes and sits next to a quietened down jimin: do u think they& #39;ll realise

taekook who are now slow dancing:

jimin, sighing wistfully: probably not

should call this stupid thread "how long until the hyungs lose their patience and smush the two idiots face together"

tae: hey gukker!!! what& #39;s up!!! How are You!!!!

jk, v confused: ? am good and all but what& #39;s with this chipper attitude

tae: I HAD! like! EIGHT! redbulls! WHATS UP!

Guk, shaking his head n turning away: go pee

tae, already 1 foot in the bathroom: I hate that u know me so well

taehyung and jeongguk cuddle and sleep, it& #39;s not very often that they /aren& #39;t/ by each other& #39;s side. jeongguk presses his face into the back of taehyung& #39;s neck and taehyung clutches jeongguk& #39;s clasped palm, holds it close to his heart.

yes, this is how bros sleep. Platonic bros

tae & guk making pizza together from scratch and fucking basically everything up and jeongguk stress-eating the cheese ("guk, that was for ON TOP of the pizza") and them successfully missing the oven beep and letting it burn to a crisp.

"should i get the takeout menu?" guk asks.

hobi: hey tae, can i talk to you?

tae, munching on the straw as he scrolls thru photos of guk: sup hyung

hobi: ok so bear with me.

tae: ?

hob: r u sure ur not in LOVE with jeongguk?

tae, giggling at a pic of guk with pigtails: im sorry hyung, what?

hobi: yk what, nevermind.

the hyungs try pt.2 GUK VERS.

jimin, playing abysmally: i hate playing

jk, laughing as he beats jimins ass for the umpteenth time: god i wish tae was here

jimin: ..hey guk? quick question but are u aware ur in love with taehyung

jk, scratching his head: duh? he& #39;s my best bro

yoongi, yawning: why the fuck am i here

jimin: this is a core council meeting. we& #39;re tryna get the idiots together

namjoo, sighing: they& #39;re helpless, why bother?

hobi: like ive watched them kiss and they think its platonic

seokjin: is it even possible for two people to be

THIS fucking oblivious

jimi chooz: look guys, it& #39;s killing me

yoongi, stretching: look jimin, why are you disrupting something thats beautiful? theyre happy, in love n living together all without the labels. why push ur agenda forward

jimin, hesitating: look..i think tae knows

like to a certain degree. he& #39;s aware of it.

namjoon: and....? cos yoongi hyung& #39;s right, you know? they seem blissfully happy left alone like this.

seokjin, fond: pair of himbos

jimin: the only thing stopping tae from confessing is that he isnt sure guks into him

hobi, gaping:

ur kidding right. that boy& #39;s SMITTEN

jimin: yeah well, the fool doesn& #39;t exactly display his emotions so openly

seokjin: ok so what do u propose we do

yoongi: we should stop this. leave them alone & get pizza.

jimin: ..anyway, i have a plan.

they all huddle closer, listening.

taehyung& #39;s holding jeongguk& #39;s pinky finger in his and it& #39;s supposed to be nothing out of the ordinary but he turns his head and catches sight of the other talking about a nuclear war and how they& #39;d have to make weapons out of fruit.

"you& #39;re stupid," he says but it& #39;s fond.

jk, barging in & pausing: hey?

tae, mid applying makeup: sup

jk: .

tae: what?

jk: you& #39;ve got all your—here, let me do it for you

he reaches forward & takes the eyeliner from tae& #39;s hands & applies it with careful precision, completely missing the flush on the other& #39;s cheeks

contd.

jk: where r u heading off to, anyway? you look beautiful

he looks up, catches tae& #39;s eyes before the latter averts them quickly

tae, biting his lip: a date actually

jk: ???????? DATE ?????????

tae, indignant: WHAT, im perfectly capable of finding a date ok

jk: huh.

jk, dialling up hobi: do u think people kiss on dates

hobi, yawning: it& #39;s 4 am

jk: yeah but like do people like smooch? or peck? or make out? or like jump right into sex?

hobi, clearly uninterested: I don& #39;t know? bother someone else

jk, already hanging up and dialling jimin

jimin: what do you want you pesky mongrel, i was about to send joon a picture of my booty

jk, already hanging up and dialling yoongi: don& #39;t contact me for 5-6 business days

jk, very much worked up and on a quest now: yoongi hyung don& #39;t hang up please this is a crisis

yoongi, annoyed but harbouring a soft spot for jk: what is it, baby? are you ok?

jk, staring at the ceiling, feeling confused: do people kiss on dates

yoongi, gently: I know I would

jeongguk knows taehyung came home like a good little christian boy before it was 12 so he clearly DIDN& #39;T have sex — unless, he had a super quick, ultra passionate romp in the sack quickie?

oh god, was guk having a panic attack? WHAT is this feeling?

he only knows one solution.

Did I just add plot to my crackhead tales

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😠" title="Wütendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Wütendes Gesicht">

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="‼️" title="Doppeltes Ausrufezeichen" aria-label="Emoji: Doppeltes Ausrufezeichen">

jeongguk n tae sleep together on tae& #39;s bed almost everyday but jeongguk didn& #39;t think there was really a point today considering he expected tae to come home late from his date OR bring his date along and continue doing naughty shenanigans...why did guk feel like punching a wall?

jk, banging taes door even though it was the asscrack of dawn & people should definitely not be up at this inhumane hour unless they were insomniacs or very drunk teenagers: tae! open UP

there& #39;s a scuffle at the other end before tae wrenches his door open, rubbing his eyes: guk?

jk, feeling very vulnerable & in need of his constant tae-vitamin boost: can I come in? feeling very cuddlebug atm

tae, smiling sleepily, already sauntering back to bed: cmere human doggo

and when jk wraps his arms around the other, breathing the familiar scent, he& #39;s at ease.

yoongi, watching tae and jk throw gummy bears at lil kids in the park: jimin your plan sucks

jimin, rolling his eyes: i didnt hear any bright ideas from YOUR side

joon, resting his head on the table: guk got a little jealous tho so half-win?

hobi, sighing: should we get them,

i can see some VERY angry parents

seokjin, slurping: lowkey want them to get beat up by middle-aged moms

yoongi: punishment for all the shit they put us through

tae n jk yelping but laughing loudly as a soccer mom chases after them with her mighty big handbag

bts: endeared

who do u think would confess first

tae: do u think we could be Ghost Busters in another life

guk, unhesitatingly: hell yeah. pretty sure if multiverse IS a thing, we already ARE ghost busters

tae: do u think we& #39;d be together??

guk: tae, we& #39;d be together no matter which life we& #39;re in :)

tae, heart thumping: oh

jimin, batting his eyelashes, twirling a tendril of his hair: hey joonie~~~~

joon, oblivious lil fool: what& #39;s up brother

kook, turning towards tae: man imagine being THAT oblivious

tae, chuckling, observing jimin being a gay mess: could NEVER be us

jk, one night before midterms: tae I think I& #39;m going to fail

tae, looking equally haggard & stressed: hey cookie boy, don& #39;t say that. if u fail, I fail. we& #39;re basically soul-connected

jk, tearing up: oh my god, I can& #39;t let You fail. (starts studying again with renewed fervour)

guk working out and tae observing him whilst munching on a packet of cheese rings. every time, guk finishes a set, tae will take 1 cheesed dusted finger with a ring attached to it & feed it to guk.

guk& #39;s mouth wraps around tae& #39;s finger as he sucks.

jin: this is straightup porn

jk, opening the door and met with a VERY familiar sight: oh..HELL NO

tae, turning, mid-makeup: ??

jk: you& #39;re NOT going on a date when its terrible tuna tuesday

tae, smiling: im not going anywhere

jk: whats all this for then [gesturing]

tae: for u. do i look good

jk: blushes

contd.

tae, twirling around: you should get dressed up too!!

guk, who& #39;d been observing him with his eyes glued to taes face for the past 5 mins: uh?? why me??

tae: why not!! we& #39;ll go out, make a date out of it

jk: ..d-date?

tae, looking at him, bashful: yeah? why not

jk: [glitching] you want? Date? Me?

tae: yes. It& #39;s just us, right?

jk: [still glitching] and date? Us? You looking like that? Date?

tae, a little worried now: yes....?

jk, very shook by the turn of events: i think I have diarrhea

tae: ???? is this your way of saying no?

Jk: date— I mean yes, wait, I mean— no. Fuck

tae, staring at him, super duper confused: so...yes?

jk, turning red and thinking about all the anime pickup lines he knows: throwing a Pikachu ball at u because ur a catch

tae: . Go get ready u ingrown toe nail

jungkook and taehyung walking on the streets of seoul. it& #39;s awkward but not in the way you& #39;d think, tae reaches out to intertwine their pinkies and jk blushes a little feeling the warmth of the other& #39;s fingetips.

"you wanna go to the arcade?" tae asks, voice soft.

[heartbeat]

it& #39;s them but there& #39;s also something different in the air. something inexplicable. something soft and warm and wrapped up with honeyed voices & tingling electricity between their arms brushing against each other.

and when jungkook goes back to his room that night, he& #39;s confused.

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