I have a thought.

Mayberry is weirder than Twin Peaks.

Examples.

One episode, Aunt Bee is a famously terrible cook whose pickles and marmalades are nearly poison. Then she’s the best cook in the county and no one mentions it.

One episode, Barney is complete tone-deaf. But routinely sings complex harmony with Andy.

Never mentioned.

And the eligible sherrif’s girlfriends keep disappearing, never to be mentioned again. Where are Ellie, Peg, Sharon, Karen and Mary?

Are they at the bottom of the lake where he often took them on dates?

Why is it that in Season Five, all of Andy’s former friends except Goober disappeared, only to be replaced with all new, less funny ones?

Where are they?

Where’s Andy’s new deputy, Warren?

When you go missing in Mayberry, a code of terrified silence is enforced.

One episode, Floyd is a husband and father, we even see his son.

In another, he’s unmarried with no child.

Where did they go?

What horrors are at the bottom of MYERS LAKE?

The supernatural crops up often, the townspeople believe in jinxes and hexes and bizarre folk rituals, and over and over again, those claims are never shown to be invalid.

The Darlings set up their baby to be. Child bride, like it’s normal.

The deputy literally lets prisoners go free routinely, yet is never fired.

Barney says he loves Thelma Lou, but is carrying on constant lech phone calls with an alleged waitress at the diner named Juanita, whom we NEVER SEE, even though the diner is shown routinely.

Does “Juanita” exist?

Bobby Fleet, leader of the Band With A Beat, is a hideous elder creature, who shows up three times, EACH WEARING A DIFFERENT FACE.

No one reacts.

“Hey, Bobby, why are you wearing the masks of the dead?”

Even more macabre, THIS hellish entity showed up EIGHT TIMES with EIGHT DIFFERENT NAMES.

EIGHT DIFFERENT IDENTITIES.

Who’s odder, the Log Lady, or Ernest T. Bass, who dreams of kidnapping women for marriage and plots to remove his front teeth to have them replaced by one gold one in the middle?

Who throws rocks at windows in infernal giggling rage?

One day, Gomer can’t do anything but put gas in your car, another, he’s a master mechanic.

He was working towards a medical degree at one point. True.

But sure, sometimes people have bad dreams in Twin Peaks or something sometimes.

So spooky.

Super spooky.

Whatever, Mr. Lynch.