Pre-pandemic, someone in a church lesson once made a comment about her friend who was gay, and how he taught her this great life lesson. Even though it was a good story, she whispered the word gay like it was going to summon sauron to our sanctuary of rivendell.

I keep not being able to forget that. I doubt I ever will.

This thread is turning into me spilling my guts about some stuff, because it's easy to word vomit on twitter, and sometimes you just gotta say things.

So fair warning about that.

Anyway, I realize change is hard, and this person was probably making an effort to understand things and be inclusive. She was trying. Sometimes I, too, still struggle to say things aloud.

But that doesn't change the fact that places still exist where we whisper surreptitiously.

Where what I am is reserved for hushed tones and fear. For embarrassment and condolences.

People think I should feel shame, when what I feel is a world-altering relief, now that I have labels that explain me to me.

Before I figured this out, I was a complete wreck, because I knew I wasn't functioning like "normal", but not knowing why or how or what the deal was made me anxious and frustrated.

I felt very broken.

In a way I was. I held on to a lot of ideas that kept me from understanding.

But having a description that fit what was going on with me changed all that. As soon as I had an explanation, I didn't feel broken anymore. Still a little displaced, but not in a million disjointed pieces that made no sense.

I felt whole, as it were.

I'm still a n00b at this, so I'm not gonna say I'm perfect at being vocal about something that I was silent about for 29 years. But y'all. We GOTTA talk about it more in church settings.

I've read so many books over my lifetime that have literally all taught me the same thing: Talking things out sucks, but it's never as bad as what happens when you don't communicate at all.