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A young (30-ish?) male friend told me today about how he recently stumbled on the perfect spot in a park, next to a pond, to hang his hammock & catch a nap, whereupon he napped for 3 hrs; he then told me about driving around a forest preserve & realizing he was being followed;
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we determined he was being cruised, & chatted about how though it was a compliment, perhaps, it was also creepy, & ANYWAY his boat doesn't float in that manner, so. Then we were back onto hammocks in random parks, & I just went *sigh* "that sounds amazing but being a woman,
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I'll never experience that. I might doze off in the shade of a fine tree, but purposely take a 3-hr nap, hanging between trees in a park? Never ever." And he was like "huhhhhh I didn't think about that" & I said "in fact, it would SO MUCH never cross my mind to do such a thing
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that I wouldn't even have to reject the notion. It wouldn't even occur to me." [And pls bear in mind that I have traveled the world alone, including a war zone or two.] Then I said "but being followed by creepy men in their cars? Now THAT I can talk about! Chapter & verse!"
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And a kind of light was dawning on him as we chatted, & I really want to stress: He is a lovely, genuinely thoughtful person, & we were just chatting, I wasn't going "Oh, I'm going to teach you the Harsh Facts" or anything. But it just kind of... hadn't occurred to him
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that there are all manner of pleasant things that a man might feel entirely comfortable doing that would not even cross a woman's mind, because obvs.
And I tell you this story for two reasons, to wit:
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And I tell you this story for two reasons, to wit:
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1) Even if you are among the best of men - thoughtful, aware, active on gender equity issues - you are likely walking around with blindspots that are fully & totally blind concerning what a woman's life looks like.
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2) I was reminded that "now you know what it feels like" is a feeling that rises, but it's not a useful one, nor is it a useful thing to say. I don't want him to know what it feels like. I don't want ANY of us to know what it feels like. I want us both to do something about it
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