I should be finishing my sermon but I'm distracted (mostly horrified) by the pastoral boundaries conversation, and most boundaries discussions are a lot of "Don't do this!" so I thought I'd suggest some healthier ways to connect with your pastor.

Invite them to coffee or lunch with the only agenda item being to get to know each other better and build rapport. Have a mutual conversation. When they do not disclose sensitive personal or congregational information, be glad that you have a pastor who understands their role.

Do things with your pastor without expecting to become their confidante. Encourage them to have other pastors, spiritual directors, therapists, and friends as confidantes. Help them make space in their schedules and have the financial resources to have these things.

Pray for your pastor, and ask them how you can pray for them. If their requests sometimes seem vague, be glad your pastor is good at confidentiality, and pray for them as they carry things they're unable to share.

Definitely ask your pastor to things! But know we have weird schedules, many obligations, & very limited time off. Don't take it personally if we decline or suggest another plan. You may be my favorite parishioner EVER and I'm still not seeing you on Monday or on Friday night.

Unless you're having an emergency. Then I'll definitely see you. So, I hope you're not seeing me on a Monday or a Friday night.