@mutsack I hope this message finds you well. I had hoped to do this in a private forum, but bc I couldn’t slide into your DMs, the whole world will now watch as I prostrate myself before you. I’m a “writer” in search of “work” because I need to “eat.” I found the The Champions /1

job posting during a ritualistic LinkedIn bender late Thursday night. At first, it felt as if the stars had aligned. A comedic writing job about soccer? How perfect. I like both of those things! Much to my chagrin, tho, the deadline appeared to have been 7/17. /2

Being the industrious pauper I am, I said to hell with it and whipped up a writing sample anyway. I prayed to the ghost of Sepp Blatter before sending it off. This thread is my humble entreaty: Can you find it within yourself to still consider my application? /3

I should say that I am completely without scruples and have no problem venturing into quasi-legal gray areas to earn your approval. Alternatively, I’d be happy to send you some homemade peach cobbler. All the best, Alex Bragan /end simping