if youve never been to a 20 something straight white girl wedding ill walk you through one (WITH VISUALS) cause ive been to over 10 and its the same fucking thing every time

u arrive at the rustic barn and pick a spot in the haybale parking lot. there is ALWAYS at LEAST one of the following:
-fairy lights
-coral colored flowers
-burlap in some form

the bride and groom are still getting ready bc theyre always 1hr behind schedule so while you wait on the lawn (u get yelled at if you take a seat too early) you eat cheese cubes, crackers, and have lemonade to drink its ALWAYS fucking lemonade(with a chalkboard label on the jar)

its FINALLY time for the ceremony. everyone takes their seats on the white fold out chairs. the groom takes his place next to the couple's friend who got a marriage license online two days ago. the couples friends come down in pairs as bridesmaids and groomsmen although they+

secretly all have slept with each other at one point. its time for the bride to be escorted by her racist dad! her hair is always in a half braid/bun combo which is made to look naturally messy. dont forget the decor clip! shes always holding some sort of branch/twig bouquet

the couples say their corny ass vows, call each other best friends at least twice. they cry at their inside jokes that nobody understands. their microphones always malfunction at least once. the mother of the bride is crying harder and louder however. shes already wine drunk.

bouquet toss time!!! traditions rooted in misogyny!!! yay!! all the sad aunts and teenage girls crowd elbow each other to get to the front but the annoying little toddler catches it everytime somehow??

they kiss!! everyone claps and every mom in the audience looks to their children because shes imagining them getting married even though theyre only 8. its time for the reception!! food time, right? nope! speeches first! the bridesmaid is up first. shes passive aggressive the +

entire time because she never liked the groom in the first place and is salty that her ugly friend got married before her. theres always one half joking death threat towards the groom in her speech that everyone hesitantly laughs at. the flower girl is crying but everyone +

pretends not to notice. best man speech now! he makes a end zone reference because he has to assert his dominance as an alpha male who likes football in the very beginning of his speech. the bride is now annoyed because she hates him but the groom is laughing WAYYY too hard.

he tells an embarrassing story about the groom from high school. everyone pretends to care. now its time for food!! FINALLY!! they didnt order enough from the catering service so u end up with only one rib/bbq wing (im using the bbq example bc its popular in my city)

theres always some weird ass soup made by a relative that nobody eats bc it smells bad. everyone drinks lemonade out of mason jars! there's still no cake or dessert of any kind in sight! after dinner, its time for dancing. here are the list of songs that always play GUARANTEED:

-cha cha slide & cupid shuffle
-happy by pharell
-uptown funk
-marry you by bruno
-dear future husband by meghan trainor
-i wanna dance with somebody
-thinking out loud/perfect by ed sheeran

the bride&groom have their first dance and again the moms cry but its actually kinda+

awkward. some weird relative from the other side of the family comes up and asks you to dance. your dad yells at you when you say no. the dj makes a bad joke.

FINALLYLYLYL the reason everyone is here!! the cake!! its always made to look like wood and has again, coral flowers on top. the bride and groom do that weird thing where they feed each other and then the catering service serves everyone a piece that is definitely way too small

and then all the guests go home!! starting with the cousin who takes his job as a park ranger WAY too seriously and ending with the drunk aunt who wants a divorce with her husband

-end of thread-