i see so many people gettin out to resturants and going on trips to the countryside: i feel like, kind of stupid for being still so locked down. i really don’t go anywhere except the shops, still. my world is still very small.

maybe this is a too-hesitant approach, or whatever. but our experience of covid at the start really blindsided me & maybe made me over-cautious. we’re trying to get away for a hike in august, i suppose. but cafes and bars still seem surreal to me.

on one hand i feel like i’m receiving really aggressive THIS ISN’T OVER messaging, and rightfully frustrated posts about people who work in service who are at risk - so i don’t want to participate in any harm. then, on the other hand, i see loads of people just... goin places too

please keep in mind, my dad had covid in march & though we were very lucky, the reality of the virus is incredibly close to home. so idk man. i’m just not there yet. i just hope i don’t get left behind.

i think being caught between two very disparate messages: one being GET OUT AND SUPPORT BUSINESSES AND IRISH TOURISM and the other being HOW DARE YOU HARM THESE SERVICE WORKERS AND BRING YOUR DUBLIN LUNGS TO SAFE RURAL COMMUNITIES - i don’t know what to do?

there was a time not so long ago when i couldn’t tweet ‘man i miss going to penneys’ without getting scolded for not thinking of the harm i could do by thinking of existing outside. that shook me a bit. i know exactly what covid does. now, i’m just expected to... go to the pub?

like i think waiting it out indoors for a while yet is easiest for me because i find it incredibly hard to deal with mixed or unpredictable metrics of judgement/punishment. this whole thing is a mess.

today though i am recording podcasts in a room with other people. that’s gonna be deeply weird but also, very good i hope