Good news!
You have a BILLION dollars. Cash. Taxes paid.
(Big day at the tracks.)

But the world is ending in 10 years and it will all be gone.
We won’t consider charities yet.

So... How could you spend that $?
1/

Now. You need a house.

In L.A. we can find something suitable for a person of your stature.
Not THE BEST, top 20.
Ocean view.
Thats $50 million.
$1 million to furnish it.
$2 million for sprucing up, 5 year’s maintenance, staff & utilities.
$5 million taxes for 10 years. 2/

Of course you need a getaway. Let’s grab a few acres on the water for you on Bainbridge Island, WA.
It’s only 6 bedrooms but they don’t have anything bigger... yet. It’s on the market for $6.9 million.
Let’s offer $7 & keep everyone happy.
$4 million to cover all the fringes. 3/

Ya need a car?
Let’s go with a titsedout Maybach. $350k. Get your partner, who is not a douche, a swanky Mercedes with all the ridiculousness. $250k.
Let’s get less stupid cars for Washington. $150k each for coupla nice Teslas. They’re so electric which fits nice on the island.4/

The staff at each place will need a car. They can’t be driving your kids around in their jalopies.

3 ford explorers each? That’s 6?

Let’s say $350k insurance and #SIRIUSXM covered. 5/

Bad news.
You got a stupid fucking dope of a Trump loving brother & an aging, broke father.
Let’s set a fund for each of them so they don’t gotta worry.
$10 million? To SPLIT.
That should shut them
the fuck up. NO?! Don’t care. 10. That’s my final offer. 6/

Your 2 kids? They should never... ever have to work a day in their stupid idiot entitled blonde lives.
Trust the fuck fund them.
$25 million? Each?
Yeah. They’ll inherit the real estate.
That’s enough cash. 7/

Let’s give 10 of our best friends a million bucks. Boom. Clooney style. Taxes paid. THIS is cash.

$15 million burnt 8/

Of course it’s nice to travel & you can’t fuck around when you have such an impressively vast private Collection of American Money.
For 10 years, you can charter a jet & rent a palace 2-3 times a year anywhere you want.

That’s about $10 million if we budget on low-paid staff.9/

Office space? Yes. You have money to manage.

Let’s buy a building in manhattan.

I found 10,000 sq ft in the Bowery for $12 million and for $5 more we can build you a penthouse that will be a very nice place to crash when you’re visiting your empire. 10/

Tax and maintenance is about $5 million bucks! Spend it! 11/

Now we need a helicopter. That is a fast $6 million. Let’s add $2 mil for insurance and... parking? 12/

Need some toys? A commercial baker’s kitchen? A sound studio? Bowling alley? Movie theater?
All of it? Both places?
$10 million. 13/

$15 million for mad money. Computers, cameras, walking around, golf equipment, concerts, Pornhub, Netflix, makeup, Dick pills, Amazon, eBay, Etsy, yoga classes, coke, hookers, kids’ education, booze and weed... cell phones... Zoloft. 14/

Like to gamble? Poker? OK but we have to limit you. You can have a $1000 session every day for the whole year for the next 10 years. But THAT IS IT. Session lost session over.
So that’s $3.65 million.
Let’s make it $5 million. Sometimes you need to dip, amiright? 15/

I don’t know, maybe you like to eat out?
Awright, let’s budget the same for eating out that we budget for gambling.
$5 million bucks for 10 years. 16/

Dammit, you are naked. We didn’t allow for any clothes at all. All right you can go shopping once a week but you can only spend $20,000. So that’s $1.04 million a year for 10 years.
$10 million in clothes.
That includes shoes, so don’t try any fuckery. 17/

Everyone should feel comfortable where they golf & play tennis & socialize.
There are money stories piling up to share loudly with a bunch of vapid, privileged inbred rich fuckwits that can’t be told at some quiet restaurant or hipster bar.
Those people wouldn’t relate. 18/

It’ll cost about 1/4 million to join a country club. So let’s join 4 of them for $1 million. 2 here, 1 in WA, 1 in NY. The dues & food at each of those places is, say, $1,000 a month. That’s 50 grand a year for all 4 & we’re covered for 10 years at <$2 million filthy dollars. 19/

To be honest I’m having a rough time coming up with things you still need. I’ll dip your toe in these 2 startups. You gotta continue mogling. $2 mil and you own 50% of about 100 people’s grueling work for the past 5 years & you get to give a TEDtalk. They call you a genius. 20/

Let’s Clooney 10 more friends.

$15 million 21/

I’m tired of spending.

So here’s the thing. You still have X left and you live like King Farouk.

You still have
$750 MILLION dollars left.

You could live LIKE THAT for 40 years.
On $1 —ONE— billion dollars. 22/

Why should ANY HUMAN own more value than 40 years of Monarchical wealth? 23/

This week, Jeff Bezos increased his wealth by $13 BILLION in a SINGLE DAY. That is obscene.

Other billionaires became tens of billions richer. Obscene. 24/

A good number of The American People CANNOT FEED THEMSELVES OR GO TO DOCTORS OR COVER RENT OR CARE FOR THEIR KIDS OR GO ON VACATION OR SURVIVE ANY TYPE OF FINANCIAL EMERGENCY.
Obscene.

We should pay workers well.
Billionaires should not exist
#CorporationsAreNotPeople
End/

P.S. this particular billionaire didn’t buy a $50 million dollar home. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wsj.com/amp/articles/jeff-bezos-buys-david-geffens-los-angeles-mansion-for-a-record-165-million-11581542020

P.P.S. You already own three homes so... in the ensuing years, you would save about $90 million in real estate from your budget since you don’t need to buy it again. Savings!

P.P.P.S. Since points become obsconded by literal bean counters, I’m adding $150mil to the expense column. Now, you only have $600mil left... liquid. Sorry.
Fuck every troll of every kind.
This is ONE billion. How about 50 when 10s of millions of children are food insecure?

P.P.P.P.S. Goddamn some people want to prove they took Econ 202 or some shit. I DGAF.

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

ANSWER. $1,000,000,001.

It’s nearly a trillion bucks for these friggin oxygen thieves. https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/billionaires-pandemic-1-trillion-wealth-gain/