why the phrase “pronouns = gender” can be a harmful rhetoric: a thread

tw // transphobia, enbyphobia, trans discourse etc and beforehand i know there’s most likely spelling mistakes but i’m neurodivergent and suffer from a tic disorder

let’s first start off by the definition of a pronoun: “a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse (e.g., I, you ) or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse (e.g., she, it, this ).”

usually the term “pronouns = gender” is used for trans individuals but in a ways it can be harmful. let’s use a few examples

many trans men even trans men i know personally use he/they. they’re not less of a man because they use he/they and they’re 100% valid. they’re all male but at the same time many non-binary people use he/they but they’re not necessarily the same gender

another reason “pronouns = gender” is used is to make it seem like non-binary people can only use they/them when that it the opposite. not all non-binary people are the same gender and non-binary isn’t its own gender in the first place

the definition of non-binary is “Non-binary or genderqueer is a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍—‌identities that are outside the gender binary-

Non-binary identities can fall under the transgender umbrella, since many non-binary people identify with a gender that is different from their assigned sex.”

non-binary isn’t a gender neutral or “not male or female” it’s a range of identities/gender identities which any pronouns can be used for including neopronouns which have been around since the 18/1900s

so that phrase can be harmful to non-binary people in a number of ways but let’s also continue

saying “pronouns = gender” is harmful to trans people because your saying they were never their gender till they used those pronouns. i was always non-binary i just never realized it later in life despite the fact i used to use she/her pronouns

not only this but many non-binary people use multiple sets or pronouns, some non-binary people even use all pronouns so the logic itself is flawed

let’s use another example: a trans man comes out at age 20 and starts using he/him. to say he wasn’t a man till he started to use he/him and he immediately became one because of those pronouns are a bit transphobic

trans people and the terms they use to describe and reflect their identity is always 100% valid, many times trans people may even reclaim language (even pronouns) which are considered opposite to their identity or even disrespectful (ex: nbys using it/its as reclamation

trans man using she so it can’t be used against them in the first place)

not only this but when we say “pronouns = gender” how many genders are there? not only is non-binary a spectrum but gender is a construct ( https://www.who.int/gender-equity-rights/news/factsheet-403/en/) which it’s interpretation can change from culture to culture, there is no finite amount of genders

which is proven by scientist since the existence of trans people are backed by science etc, and since gender can be seen as also psychological etc pronouns would be a reflection of our personal gender/psychology so the phrase “pronouns in gender1!1!” would be a bit arbitrary

let’s also talk about neopronouns something which is used by both non-binary and binary trans people. neopronouns have existed since the 1800s and have became more widespread as many gnc individuals find comfort in it

and historically people have used them (notable neopronoun users: arca, justin vivian bond, is etc) and are used by a great portion of the trans community

if someone uses ze/hir and she/her what gender would they be? that’s my point you can’t tell them what gender they are

“but then it makes it seem like it’s okay to misgender trans people” it’s never okay to misgender trans people, trans people are their gender because of the pronouns they use but because of their own identity which no one can invalidate because they don’t know how they feel

and it’s not an excuse to misgender someone either way in fact it’s a horrible one. respect people’s pronouns!! if you would like to add more i welcome you to

i would also like to add, invalidating neopronouns can be ableist for a number of reasons but like i said earlier gender is a construct along with being psychological and neurodivergent ppl may have a different way of interpreting gender as a construct and experience

it differently because of psychology and a number of other reasons. they may use neopronouns to show this and invalidating them is ableist and transphobic

https://medium.com/@themicheab/neopronouns-theyre-way-older-than-you-think-ae0ec7030ac0
https://intercultural.uncg.edu/wp-content/uploads/Neopronouns-Explained-UNCG-Intercultural-Engagement.pdf
https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns 

tw abuse

i’m also gonna add the fact that many women feel a disconnect from their womanhood from a series of reasons which can include abuse and assault so they find discomfort in she/her pronouns and men may also feel a disconnect from their manhood

and i’m pretty sure someone has said this in the quotes but many languages don’t have what would be considered a gender neutral pronoun

WAIT WAIT + this is also a middle finger to trans men in the closet and nbys who find discomfort in she/her and also have to use those pronouns for protection as well

there’s a difference between saying:

“pronouns = gender” and
“my pronouns are a reflection of MY gender” btw

in the context in which im saying this i mean people saying if you use she/her you’re a woman but if you personally apply to statement to yourself to speak for your own experience that’s fine

**the

+ this can also be interpreted as what i’m trying to say