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I am proud to be out abt being #ND.
BUT there are still a helluva lot of days when I actually just hate my
& wish I was 'normal' & a 'real adult' whatever that even means...
Take today. I f*d up my sleep last night by hyperfocusing on a special interest research hole...
BUT there are still a helluva lot of days when I actually just hate my
& wish I was 'normal' & a 'real adult' whatever that even means...Take today. I f*d up my sleep last night by hyperfocusing on a special interest research hole...
As a result today evthg is just way TOO MUCH. Other pple, noise,heat it's a sensory disaster.
I decide to go into a cafe & just the fact that other pple are there makg noise & may notice how sad/anxious I am. Is enough to get me into a self-critical headspin & into overwhelm...
I decide to go into a cafe & just the fact that other pple are there makg noise & may notice how sad/anxious I am. Is enough to get me into a self-critical headspin & into overwhelm...
I feel like I simply cannot handle anythg today (even of this is not tech true). & I still struggle with self-blame bc I could've just gone to sleep earlier.
Even though abt 25yrs of struggling just to do this proves it's really not that easy.
I know this...
Even though abt 25yrs of struggling just to do this proves it's really not that easy.
I know this...
...& yet it feels there's a part of my brain which refuses to acknowledge how difficult it is to consistently maintain sleep hygiene, as an ND person with probable #delayedsleepphasesyndrome. Whilst also on #lockdown.
It nearly always ends up with me in tears cursing myself...
It nearly always ends up with me in tears cursing myself...
I hope one day this will get better that I will get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
But also that I will stop having to tell myself off almost everytime.
I'm not sure the inner critic will ever go away. But maybe I can keep trying to manage it better...
But also that I will stop having to tell myself off almost everytime.
I'm not sure the inner critic will ever go away. But maybe I can keep trying to manage it better...
& stop trying to be someone I'm not: This idealised disciplined & reasonable mature person 
who sounds v annoying/boring actually when I examine it... #PerfectPatricia
So for me being ND is not a superpower- it's frustrating, upsetting, heartbreaking, complicated, messy
who sounds v annoying/boring actually when I examine it... #PerfectPatriciaSo for me being ND is not a superpower- it's frustrating, upsetting, heartbreaking, complicated, messy
But being #ND does shape my life in ways which are unpredictable, intense & not often boring...
I have to entertain myself & others in order to basically feel alive. This is both exhausting & exhilarating...(did I really have to look up books abt the cello at 3am...
)...
I have to entertain myself & others in order to basically feel alive. This is both exhausting & exhilarating...(did I really have to look up books abt the cello at 3am...
)...
I have a love/hate relationship to my ND .The cause of ongoing exhaustion & part of the reason I decide to do spontaneous silly dances & accents.
Silliness is great, not being able to control my sleepg habits not so much.
Setting status to: 'It's complicated'.
.The cause of ongoing exhaustion & part of the reason I decide to do spontaneous silly dances & accents.Silliness is great, not being able to control my sleepg habits not so much.
Setting status to: 'It's complicated'.
