It was only 4 hours after our wedding thanksgiving @cci_lagos, @adeborois and I were walking from ICM after we went to purchase our "losing your virginity" Kit from the pharmacy. We were headed to the airport off to Ghana for our honeymoon.

Our first conflict arose after I had acted in a very insensitive manner at the pharmacy (Story for another day). This long walk to the airport made me remember one memorable afternoon, when my mum called me and asked me a weird question.

My mum and I have pretty straightforward conversations, so it was strange when she asked me “how do you and @adeborois resolve conflicts?” At this point, we were only dating, and it appeared that my mum wanted to offer counsel on the inevitable conflict we’d face/were facing.

A little back story here might help: While growing up, I NEVER saw my parents fight. They never argued or disagreed on ANYTHING. There was never any perceived tension. No quarrels. No fights. No anger. Nothing... or so I thought.

Anyway, this subconsciously formed my expectation entering into relationships. Always believed we’d be on the same page. So it was weird to me when my mom (who was not supposed to know anything about conflict), asked me about it.

It had also been difficult for me with Boro at that time because every issue of conflict left me feeling like we were doing something wrong.

The discovery that every relationship had to deal with conflicts blew my mind! I have now grown to realise that no matter how much friction we have, we have to always find a way to resolve it.

When my dad was coaching me in advance for marriage, he said “Whether your marriage fails or succeeds is all in your hands. There will be no one else to blame, not even your wife. So you have to put in the effort to make it work.”

He then went on to tell me about how he and my mum resolve conflicts. He specifically mentioned that it’s never about who is wrong or right, but about making peace at all times, just like the Bible prescribes.

And I’ve taken that into my marriage - Peacemaking. Mainly because my wife is my friend, and we’re players on the same team. Why then would I aim to score against her?

So in case, there’s someone out there like the former me who thinks all conflicts are major red flags, I’ll say to you: conflicts are part of relationships. They can either serve as stumbling blocks or stepping stones.

The first step towards sufficient conflict resolution is letting go of self - selflessness. Take every opportunity to use conflict as an opportunity to choose peace, forgiveness, understanding and love!
#GoodMarriages

We talked about 7 ridiculous fights we had on our youtube @thesevows you can check it out.