Since Storyscape and its queer romance options closed down, I have now gone to one of the other story-game apps and started deliberately sabotaging all of the hetero storylines to see what happens.
I am playing "Recipe of Love" on Journeys. One brother owns a restaurant in New York, the other is the Head Chef. They are twin Ken dolls.
I& #39;m about halfway through and have rebuffed both of their advances in favour of partying with my best friend (to try and fall in love with her) and making nice with the cow at work sabotaging my career (to try and fall in love with her)
This is my Grandmother who taught me how to cook and offers sage advice occasionally on the phone. She is possibly hotter than me.
That& #39;s sage advice as in wisdom, not advice on how to use sage.
Oh, and I also live in Seinfeld& #39;s apartment block.
Ken Doll 1 would be devastated and probably have his relationship with his brother destroyed if his restaurant was sold and someone kept it secret from him.
Despite my best attempts, Ken Doll 1 finds out anyway. You then get to choose his reaction to his brother in front of the diners. I do not know what the difference is actually going to be here.
Turns out & #39;Hurt& #39; is: & #39;Go off for sulk& #39; rather than what I hoped, which was: & #39;Break down in tears in public and claw ineffectively at your brother& #39;
Anyway, you end up in the alley with Ken Doll 1 and have to pay to smooch him. I& #39;m a career girl though, so opt to go back to the kitchen.
And suddenly, a cliffhanger ending before I have the wits to snapshot it, Ken Doll 2 emerges with the result of the Haute Cuisine Jury& #39;s decision (another ongoing side-plot)...and cut to black.
Glasses Ken quits. Ken Doll 1 quits. Rival Jane smiles as she is now queen of the kitchen, despite the fact no one works there now and it& #39;s being sold.
I am once again asked to pay for pointless clothes. At no point do I think premium clothes have actually affected what people think of me.
I have no idea what & #39;Smile Ironically& #39; means, therefore I am compelled to choose it in the hope that Ken Doll 1 loses it and becomes The Joker.
Reader, I am sad to inform you that he does not.
Ken Doll 1 returns cool as ice to tell us about his EVIL dad, because Rich White Guys can flip-flop emotionally and not get called out for it.
I& #39;M THE GODDAMN STAR
Ken Doll 2& #39;s ex-wife is supposed to be Evil too for luring him away from you, but I& #39;m just happy for them and hope their second try works out.
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Jane in charge of the kitchen has me doing things like buying ingredients. How dare she try to keep us stocked up on food!
Maybe this will turn into a dom/sub thing.
Maybe this will turn into a dom/sub thing.
All of you ladies have been on a date with Glasses-Ken. You either did better, or it& #39;s why you& #39;re now a lesbian or asexual.
I go to work, with Ken Doll 1, and now apparently I like kissing him!? After deliberately hurting his feelings and staying professionally distanced this whole time?
There is only one explanation and that is why he shall now be referred to as Hypno-Ken.
There is only one explanation and that is why he shall now be referred to as Hypno-Ken.
I& #39;m right here Emily, and going by the timeline of the game, I& #39;ve not had any in at least six weeks.
Provoke me into angry storeroom sapphism?
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Now, I am not a professional restaurant owner.
Is this how it works in the real world? Places change their menu every month and attract attention?
Because if I went somewhere and had the best lasagne ever, then came back for it two weeks later and it was gone, I& #39;d be annoyed.
Is this how it works in the real world? Places change their menu every month and attract attention?
Because if I went somewhere and had the best lasagne ever, then came back for it two weeks later and it was gone, I& #39;d be annoyed.
He then goes weirdly meta on my quest to force a lesbian romance out of this seemingly hetero-only story.
So am I, ex-wife I forget the name of. You& #39;ve at least eliminated one option and you seem to be doing alright.
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Then some plot happens. I think Jane is still trying to screw me over rather than just screw me.
Oh, and some foreigners ordered every single item off the menu, which was this episode& #39;s big cliffhanger.
Oh, and some foreigners ordered every single item off the menu, which was this episode& #39;s big cliffhanger.
S2Ep4: I have no idea who this woman on the left is. What I do know is, she& #39;s the first person in 19 episodes, including background characters, to not be white.
All of a sudden, @kierongillen shows up.
Meanwhile, back at the plot, we& #39;re all still convinced the trio of foreign people are judges and not just some really hungry people.
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It turns out they are just a trio of very hungry people. One of whom& #39;s job is to be from France.
Aww hell no. You& #39;re not getting me like that, Hypno-Ken.
I& #39;ll go for "Not sexually assault her please, Bob"
You better believe I& #39;m still mad with this fool.
And I don& #39;t like abusive boyfriends. Especially up in my grill.
I somehow have Evil Dad& #39;s address and meekly confront him, because I have to pay to stand up to him.
I just don& #39;t know.
...whilst Jane watches on, subconsciously realising I will be free to run away and start up our own Bitchy Gay Kitchen.
COULD IT BE MY FRIEND WHO IS DATING HIM?
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We blame Jane instead! Even if she does have past form, WHO COULD IT BE?
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The dolts finally work it out. Apparently this lot who make a new menu up every episode, now have no time to make a new menu.
Where& #39;s my option for "Run away and start our sandwich firm SubGay"?
Come on...maybe SOME dirty games.
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Because this silly game won& #39;t let me stop you, honey.
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We go to a party to forget about men.
Now. Not only is @kierongillen there, he& #39;s talking to @leighalexander and I refuse to believe this is coincidence any more.
Now. Not only is @kierongillen there, he& #39;s talking to @leighalexander and I refuse to believe this is coincidence any more.
Apparently this is the REAL jury this time, and the only thing they want...is MY SOUP!
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S2WhateverEpisode: I certainly hope they& #39;re eating, they& #39;re in a restaurant, unless the judges are just here again to use the bloody free Wi-Fi.
Don& #39;t doubt my souper-soup!
Copywriters, who needs & #39;em.
Where& #39;s my option to suggest a threesome where we end up conveniently forgetting about Hypno-Ken?
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Sadly, this is an elevator Hypno-Ken is stuck in, and not an industrial oven. The game asks me to pay to bonk in said elevator. I politely decline.
YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT
BUT IT WON& #39;T CHANGE MY MIND
I& #39;LL STILL FEEL THE SAME
ABOUT YOU
Which is nothing at all
nothing at all
nothing at all
nothing at all
Stupid sexy Flanders.
BUT IT WON& #39;T CHANGE MY MIND
I& #39;LL STILL FEEL THE SAME
ABOUT YOU
Which is nothing at all
nothing at all
nothing at all
nothing at all
Stupid sexy Flanders.
Locked up, but not knocked up.
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You could make it happier Emily, but it feels like a futile gesture at this point. Like adding salt to overboiled soup.
Toupee-Ken, who gave us a good review ages ago, drops so many hints he got the judges to come back because he& #39;s creeping on you, but we somehow miss them all like a blindfolded goalkeeper.
...I& #39;m pretty sure just a few episodes ago, you were one of them and about to leave the country.
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I let the tension foster between the Ken Doll brothers, in the hope that maybe one of them will end up shanking the other with a ladle, or a particularly sharp carrot.
...TV people want to know about my soup. Because everything now revolves around soup. I have given up. The world is soup.
Hypno-Ken gives my soup-credit to the whole kitchen staff. Jane phrases it awkwardly. This entire episode is full of awkward Engrish.
The star& #39;s not the problem lady, it& #39;s my primo soup. You& #39;ve got to either steal the ingredients or chop off my hands.
Turns out Ken Doll 2 is the one who got the Jury back, not Toupee Ken.
And he did it to try and seduce you? Eww. Rich White Guy Logic right there.
And he did it to try and seduce you? Eww. Rich White Guy Logic right there.
Good. I& #39;m glad you did, Ex-Wife. Ken Doll 2 is a sleazeball.
Maybe we can console each other over how badly he& #39;s treated each of us?
...Nude.
Maybe we can console each other over how badly he& #39;s treated each of us?
...Nude.
Soup talk. Apparently this is all we make now.
Also, I notice the nameless non-White kitchen character has vanished now that we& #39;re successful again.
Also, I notice the nameless non-White kitchen character has vanished now that we& #39;re successful again.
Ex-Wife gets rightfully angry about finding reconciling husband sneaking off with another woman whom he fancies.
This is referred to in-game as her having a & #39;fit& #39;. You also can only choose to *pretend* to be calm and caring.
I really AM playing a Rich White Guy!
This is referred to in-game as her having a & #39;fit& #39;. You also can only choose to *pretend* to be calm and caring.
I really AM playing a Rich White Guy!
In this kitchen-wide game of Blind Man& #39;s Bluff.
Yes, I& #39;m screenshotting every single instance soup gets mentioned. You must all suffer with me.
We have an argument and I think I finally break free of Hypno-Ken& #39;s control.
The glass is for you, right? Because I& #39;m having the rest of the bottle.
There& #39;s an investor, who could save the restaurant! For the first time, I use some of my credits to be a Boss Girl and talk with them.
Oh god, it& #39;s another Ken.
I mean, I& #39;m dressed as a femme fatalé. It is obviously time for you to die, Hypno-Ken.
I don& #39;t get mad. I GET EVEN.
I& #39;ve been trying to convince myself of this for the past week of playing this game. *Now* I get it.
Until you eventually do.
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...it& #39;s another bloody restaurant.
"Are you yourself composed of soup?
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It& #39;s a very hungry building!
"You replaced their soup with that gazpacho. Now they& #39;re going to complain that it& #39;s not warm enough."
I& #39;ll be honest, Hypno-Ken. I& #39;ve made it deliberately more convoluted and it& #39;s still pretty easy to follow.
Hypno-Ken tries to call us, but we& #39;re super-focused on blackberries.
Where& #39;s the option for: "How the hell did you get in here anyway?"
I& #39;m no professional. Heck, I& #39;m not even an amateur.
But I& #39;m pretty sure that& #39;s an omelette on the counter and not a fruit cocktail.
But I& #39;m pretty sure that& #39;s an omelette on the counter and not a fruit cocktail.
The obvious choice that isn& #39;t going to make me a laughing stock of the Ferrero Rochér Ambassador is also conveniently priced about 9-10 credits more than any other choice so far.
I& #39;D BETTER BLOODY BE FOR WHAT THAT COST ME.
"...which is why I& #39;ve planted a bomb, so that they stop asking me to review their new menus every three days."
Only if I get to ask you why you couldn& #39;t come up with a better name for your publication.
This was in response to Hypno-Ken asking her name. Thus we can only conclude her name is A Businesswoman.
You& #39;re a top chef, you cheapskate git! MAKE me lunch!
What a coincidence, I& #39;m rebounding off two other Rich White Guys who like playing with emotions too.